Verified by 
Vacation traveling has returned, and along with it, there are invitations to be a houseguest at the home of family or friends. Given the high price of gasoline, hotels, and restaurant meals, some of us may communicate our willingness to be someone’s houseguest even before the idea of inviting us occurs to our potential host.
"We were thinking of making a trip to (fill in the blank) and thought we would stay with you for a few days" is the rather obvious request to use your home as a free bed and breakfast. And what can one say, especially if the potential guest knows that you have an empty guest room and your pool has been cleaned and heated for the summer? "There is a guest house down the street. Do you want me to make reservations?" is a response that will be received with little gratitude.
Much has been and will continue to be written about the stress of having house guests. Expressions of sympathy are offered to our friends whose summer home is booked from Memorial Day to Labor Day as a vacation get-away for their family and acquaintances.
The litany of complaints ranges from endless meal preparation, loading and unloading the dishwasher and washing machine, to making sure the guests are entertained, impressed with local restaurants, and are not bored if the weather undermines outside plans.
But what about the experience of the houseguest whose host promises a visit that is comfortable, undemanding, and entertaining yet delivers none of these promises. The most obvious hazard for the house guest is the bed if indeed there is a bed. Many a guest has had to make do with a sleep sofa, and if it is as old as the one owned by unnamed members of my extended family, a backache often is a souvenir of the trip.
It is a sad fact that the best pillows, down comforters, and darkening shades are not found in the guest room, and the room may not be in the quieter part of the house or apartment. If you are sensitive to the temperature in your bedroom, be prepared to sleep with the ambient temperature preferred by your hosts, which may be warmer or colder than what you like.
I was the house guest of a Swiss friend who did not believe in heating her bedrooms. I ended up sleeping in my winter coat and was still cold. A friend who was bleary-eyed after returning from a June weekend at the home of mutual friends in Maine told me that the guest room had no window shades, only transparent curtains. "We thought nothing of it until the sun, rising at 5:15, woke us. The bed was up against the window, and the sun shone directly on my pillow. It was impossible to go back to sleep."
And then there is the food. Obviously, the undemanding house guest will not send a list of essential foodstuffs and may be embarrassed to pack them in her luggage. But food choice incompatibility is almost inevitable: the host may be on a carbohydrate and dairy-free diet.
Or, as I found out when we stayed with friends a few years back, a lover of high-fat foods. The heavy cream in the mushroom sauce for the pasta, the bacon and sausage with the cheese omelet for breakfast, the lobster roll slathered with mayonnaise left us hungry because we followed a relatively low-fat diet and picked at or avoided eating the foods.
Of course, the good guest does not complain, helps out as much as possible–even if it means being the one to load and unload the dishwasher and tidy up the living room, says yes to yet another visit to the candle factory when the rain won’t stop, and doesn’t mention the dog hairs covering every inch of his sweater and slacks.
What is so frustrating about the often mutual stress of host and house guest is that both have the best of intentions. The hosts usually want to see their guests in a casual and informal surrounding. They probably want to share the joys of their vacation home and its associated recreational opportunities with people they like/love.
Houseguests mean that time can be spent together relaxing over a Sunday newspaper or taking a slow walk along a beach picking up shells. It allows family members who no longer live near each other time to share memories and make new ones.
And the same is true for the house guests who can enjoy a mini-vacation with friends and family and interact in ways not possible in more structured and time-limited settings of dinners or parties. This may be especially true when a family is expanded through marriage and births or when a friendship is relatively new.
A college friend often reminds me of a weekend we spent together at a summer house we owned at the time. We had not seen each for years but the few days together renewed and deepened our friendship.
And the same thing happened when we were guests of a friend whose wife had died a few years earlier. We had known him as part of a couple; being with him for several days allowed us to get to know him anew.
Simple steps can be taken by the house guest to counteract the stress of possible inconvenience, discomfort, or food choice incompatibility. Eyeshades and earplugs to counteract the early sunrises and sounds of awakening birds, your own pillows (if the right softness is important and you can take them with you), requests before you arrive to be able to go to the supermarket to buy foods that the host might not keep in the house.
This requires some delicacy but can be justified by mumbling something about medical issues or a special diet. Offer ahead of time to buy tickets or make arrangements to take hosts to events or a restaurant in the area so you can avoid the candle shop or cleaning up the kitchen every night.
Don’t overextend your stay. Benjamin Franklin said that fish and guests should be removed after three days, but the same could be said for being with your host. Leave while both of you would have liked the visit to be extended…This makes the return visit all the more desirable.
