15 Things to Say to Someone Grieving a Pet

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One of my first secure attachment figures is my sassy black cat, Mr. Bojangles. When he passes away, I will grieve hard, and I'll need the people in my life to express understanding, acceptance, and support. The last thing I’ll need is for these people to pass judgment, minimize my grief, or try to fix it.

When someone experiences grief related to their relationship with an animal, they need as much emotional support as someone grieving the loss of a human.

Consider using and avoiding these phrases:

• "You can get another pet."
• “Are you getting another pet?”
• “It was just a dog/cat/snake/bird.”
• “It could be worse. You could have lost a person.”

Instead, say:

• “I know how important they were in your life.”
• “What’s this loss like for you?”
• “Tell me more about ____ (name of animal).”
• “What do you miss about ____ (name of animal)?”

Too often, people view grieving the loss of a pet as a less significant experience when compared to grieving the loss of a human. Yet, some people may have a greater emotional response to the loss of a pet. Many factors come into play that impact the grieving experience, such as the level of attachment in the relationship, the time in one’s lifespan, and the animal's lifespan when the loss occurs. It’s essential to be aware of someone’s unique grieving process and to accept their process as it is. It’s easy to express judgment without meaning to do so.

Avoid saying:

• “They are in a better place.”
• “They’re no longer in pain.”
• “Be strong.”
• “There is a reason for everything.”

Instead, say:

• “You have every right to feel the way that you do.”
• “I wish I had the right words. I’m here for you.”
• “Let me know if there is anything I can do. I mean it. Please let me know.”
• “I can’t imagine what your feeling. I’m here to listen.”
• Say nothing, just be present.

Trying to ease someone's pain or “fix” their grief can be tempting. This can lead to statements that imply that you are minimizing their experience instead of accepting it. It’s essential to provide support while also communicating acceptance.

Death is likely the first situation that comes to mind when someone is grieving the loss of an animal, but that’s not always the case. Many life circumstances bring about the loss of a pet, and one circumstance does not warrant more understanding or acceptance. For example, a pet might be lost or rehoused, or the relationship between a pet and a human can change due to illness, old age, or environmental factors. It’s important to understand that a loss is a loss.

Avoid saying:

• “At least they’re still alive.”
• “But, you choose to move.”
• “These things happen.”
• “I think you’re being oversensitive.”

Instead, say:

• “It sounds like this is a huge loss for you.”
• “I can see that you are grieving.”
• “What does this feel like for you?”
• “I’m sorry for your loss. I am here to help if I can.”

Finally, avoid saying:

• “Are you not over it yet?”
• “It will get better in time.”
• “It’s time to move on.”

Instead, say:

• “How are you feeling about your loss today?”
• “Can I check in with you later this week?”
• “I want you to know that I haven’t forgotten, and I’m still here for you.”

The grieving process can change from moment to moment. A person who lost an animal might feel fine one minute, but feel angry, hopeless, or sad the next. It’s important to check in with them to provide support. There is no expiration date on grief. Certain days of the year or anniversaries can recharge feelings of grief. Therefore, it makes sense to check in with someone months or years after the loss occurred.

Grieving the loss of an animal can be a devastating life event, and it’s important to know how to support someone who’s grieving such a loss.

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