Verified by Children, Teens, and Suicide Risk
The thought of a child dying by suicide is unimaginable to many parents. But a significant number of children will seriously think about or attempt suicide. Suicide is among the leading causes of death for children and teens, and evidence suggests that, while still rare, it’s become more common in recent years, and so parents should be aware of key warning signs. Knowing what behavioral changes to look for, how to ask about suicidal thoughts, and how to find support for a child in need can empower families to provide the emotional support their child needs and put them on the road to recovery.
For immediate help in the U.S., 24/7: Call 988 or go to 988lifeline.org. Outside of the U.S., visit the International Resources page for suicide hotlines in your country. To find a therapist near you, see the Psychology Today Therapy Directory.
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Most children do not seriously think of hurting themselves, and an individual child's risk of suicide, in the grand scheme, is relatively low. But certain factors like age, gender, family dynamics, peer relationships, and mental illness may increase the risk of suicidality and are critical for parents, teachers, and other adult authority figures to keep in mind, especially if a child starts to display warning signs of suicidal ideation (below).
There isn’t always an easy answer for why a particular child might think about suicide. Risk factors for suicidal ideation include being bullied; experiencing sexual or physical abuse, neglect, or other trauma; feeling lonely or socially isolated; or struggling with a mental health condition like depression, ADHD, bipolar disorder, or anxiety. Outside of diagnosable mental health disorders, children and adolescents who struggle with suicidal thoughts may be facing significant feelings of stress, sadness, anger, or self-doubt and feel as if they have no one to turn to.
Children who have recently lost a loved one may also be at heightened risk, as well as those whose parents have recently gotten divorced or whose families are facing serious financial trouble. Family conflict has been shown to be a greater risk factor for young children; once kids reach the teen years, conflicts with peers begin to have a more significant effect on their mental health. Tweens and teens who identify as a gender or sexual minority or who are questioning their identity or orientation may be at heightened risk for suicidal ideation; this risk may be exacerbated if they are being bullied at school or feel unsupported by the people around them.
Some children take their lives impulsively, in response to a sudden stressor; this tends to be more common in young children, who may not know how to cope with difficult feelings and whose brains are not yet developed enough to properly manage impulses. While this is rare, limiting access to lethal means—always locking up guns, for instance, or keeping strong medications out of reach—can significantly reduce the risk of a child suddenly harming themselves.
Evidence consistently shows that while girls are more likely to attempt suicide, boys are more likely to die from it. This so-called “suicide gender paradox” is often attributed to boys’ greater propensity to choose more lethal means, such as firearms, while girls tend to choose less violent means, such as medication overdoses, from which the chances of survival are much greater.
Some recent evidence, however, suggests that the gender gap may be narrowing—at least among teens—and that adolescent girls are dying by suicide at higher rates than in the past. This appears to be driven by a shift toward more lethal means in attempts among girls, though the exact reasons for this shift are unknown. Experts emphasize that regardless of a teen’s gender, suicidal thoughts or threats of suicide should be taken seriously and responded to rapidly.
Evidence suggests that approximately 8 to 12 percent of children under the age of 12 will experience suicidal thoughts. One 2020 study, for instance, found that 8 percent of 9- and 10-year-olds reported experiencing past or current suicidal thoughts, and that slightly more than 1 percent had attempted suicide. Other research suggests that approximately 1 in 8 children between ages 6 and 12 has experienced suicidal thoughts.
Many adults mistakenly believe that young children are unable to conceive of killing themselves or make a plan to do so, and thus are not at great risk. But sadly, children as young as five have been known to experience suicidal thoughts; a small number of young children die by suicide each year. According to a 2015 study published in JAMA Pediatrics, less than 2 out of every million children between ages 5 and 11 will die by suicide; adolescents older than 12, by contrast, die by suicide at a rate of approximately 52 per million.
Thinking about a young child hurting themselves is understandably distressing, particularly to parents. But it’s important to remember that the risk, while real, is very small. Parents can help mitigate the potential danger by taking seriously any talk from their child about self-harm, death, feeling like a burden, or feeling hopeless; talking to children about feelings and fears; making it clear that parents are available whenever the child needs help; and proactively seeking mental health care for a child when necessary.
Suicidal ideation is more common in teens than in younger children. A CDC report released in 2020 found that nearly 19 percent of teenagers reported seriously considering suicide in 2019, and 9 percent reported attempting suicide in that period. Girls were nearly twice as likely as boys to think about or attempt suicide. Teens who identified as lesbian, gay, or bisexual were at sharply increased risk—nearly 47 percent of this group reported seriously considering suicide in 2019, and 23 percent reported attempting it.
Early evidence suggests that the COVID-19 pandemic may be further increasing the risk of suicidal ideation in teenagers. Parents can help mitigate the risk by paying attention to their teen’s emotional state, offering support, and seeking help when they notice any signs of suicidal ideation or hopelessness in their child.
Suicidal ideation is possible throughout the lifespan, but it does appear most likely during the teen years. This is likely due to the often overwhelming emotional, social, and physical changes teens navigate as they transition from childhood to adulthood. It is developmentally normal for teens to become moody, lash out at parents or peers, question their identity, or make impulsive, risky choices as they search for independence. When experienced in extremes, however, such adolescent changes could potentially heighten or exacerbate suicidal ideation.
Involvement in bullying—either as a victim or as a perpetrator—is associated with a higher risk of suicide. But despite high-profile stories implicating bullying as the direct cause of a child’s suicide, the relationship between the bullying behavior and the eventual suicide is usually much more complex than simple cause-and-effect. Most children who are involved in bullying incidents do not display suicidal ideation, for one, and experts note that in many cases where bullying preceded a suicide, other risk factors—such as mental health disorders, family dysfunction, or substance abuse—were also present. Evidence also suggests that those who bully others are also at heightened risk.
Depression can be a contributing factor in many instances of suicidal thoughts or behaviors in teenagers, and parents should take signs of depression in their child seriously and seek help as needed; while most children with diagnosed depression do not attempt suicide, getting treatment can be protective and dramatically decreases the risk.
However, some evidence suggests that depression is not the only mental health disorder implicated in child suicide—for younger children, in particular, it may not even be the most common. A 2016 study, for instance, found that 33 percent of children who had attempted or completed suicide had diagnosable depression; approximately 60 percent, however, had ADHD. This suggests that attention or impulse control challenges may be linked to suicide in many cases, experts say; it’s also possible that some children with ADHD diagnoses were instead struggling with bipolar disorder, a condition that is strongly associated with suicide and that is often mistaken for ADHD. Children with eating disorders such as bulimia also appear to be at heightened risk for suicide, another study found.
Certain racial groups do appear to be at heightened risk of suicidal ideation, suicide attempts, or dying by suicide, though this risk may change with age.
A 2018 study, for instance, found that between the ages of 5 and 12, Black children were more than twice as likely to die by suicide as white children; by the teen years, however, Black teens' risk of a completed suicide was 50 percent less than that of white teens. Though the exact cause of the early disparity remains unclear, experts hypothesize that Black children's heightened risk of suicide may be due to a greater incidence of trauma among this group and/or a greater difficulty accessing mental healthcare.
The relationship between suicidal thoughts, suicide attempts, and completed suicide isn't always straightforward. A 2020 CDC report found that in the previous year, slightly more white teens seriously considered suicide than Black or Hispanic teens. However, more Black teens reported attempting suicide than any of the other racial groups studied.
Across the lifespan, American Indians and Alaskan Natives are considered to be at the highest risk of suicide among all ethnicities. Among Native youth between ages 10 and 24, the suicide rate is 2.5 times higher than it is for the general population.
External signs of suicidal ideation in children are similar to those that an adult might display, but they may vary depending on the child’s age, maturity level, and personality. Parents should pay attention to:
- Changes in behavior. This can include a sudden difficulty concentrating in school; sudden isolation; withdrawal from normal activities, hobbies, or friends; or sudden recklessness or impulsivity. In older children and teens, reckless behavior may include substance use, sexual promiscuity, or dangerous driving.
- Changes in mood. Appearing excessively irritable, sad, anxious, restless, or rageful could all signal that a child is struggling with severe emotions or mental health challenges.
- Excessive talk about dying, “going away,” or self-harm. While parents shouldn’t panic whenever a child brings up death, preoccupation with the topic could indicate a deeper issue. It’s also important to remember that children, and especially young children, may not always have the language to express a desire to hurt themselves. Thus, in addition to direct statements (or social media posts) about wanting to die, parents should also pay close attention when a child says things like “I won’t be a problem for you much longer” or “no one would notice if I was gone,” as they may be indicative of hopelessness or worthlessness.
- Changes in sleep patterns, appetite, or energy levels. Physical symptoms—such as a suddenly decreased appetite, insomnia, daytime fatigue, or frequent nightmares—may signal a medical problem. However, when combined with other warning signs, they may be indicative of suicidal thoughts or other mental health issues.
Many children who are thinking about suicide will tip their caregivers off in some way, either through direct words (“I want to die”), indirect statements (“Nothing matters anymore”), or moody or reckless behavior. However, in some cases, the child or teen will not overtly signal what they are thinking. Thus, it’s important that parents take other warning signs of mental health seriously and not assume that a child’s low mood is “just a phase.”
Evidence clearly shows that asking a child or teen if they’re thinking of hurting themselves won’t “put the idea in their head” if it wasn’t there already. On the other hand, children who are silently struggling with suicidal thoughts, in the vast majority of cases, want someone to reach out to them; it signals to them that they are loved and that, despite the negative pull of their suicidal thoughts, their parents would care immensely if they hurt themselves.
It’s possible. A depressed mood, heightened irritability, or out-of-character behavior are all considered possible symptoms of suicidal ideation, especially when combined with other risk factors such as a mental health disorder, a recent loss of a loved one, substance use, or being involved in bullying. If a child’s mood or behavior seems abnormal, parents should trust their gut—either by seeking mental healthcare or by starting a low-pressure, non-judgmental conversation about suicidal thoughts.
To learn how, see How to Talk About Suicidal Thoughts.
Self-harm can be indicative of suicidality, but it isn’t always. Many children and teenagers who intentionally engage in self-harm (such as cutting, burning, or scratching one’s skin) are not suicidal and have no intention of doing permanent damage. They are, however, in need of help—self-harm, even if it’s not related to suicidal ideation, is usually the result of strong feelings of sadness, shame, anger, or anxiety; a child who engages in self-harm may also have experienced trauma or abuse that they are struggling to process.
To learn more about self-harm, see the Self-Harm page. To find help for a child or teen who is self-harming, see the Psychology Today Therapy Directory.
If a child approaches their parent or another trusted adult and shares that they've been thinking of suicide—or they've been displaying other warning signs of suicidal ideation (above)—it's critical that they be taken seriously. Because children and teens lack full maturity and can be flighty, it may be tempting for parents or teachers to write off their suicidal thoughts or behaviors as a "phase" or a plea for attention. But this is a mistake. Children who consistently display warning signs of suicidality, serious depression, or another mental illness may be in real danger of hurting themselves—and even if they're not, they are likely struggling with their mental health and would benefit from additional guidance and support. Responding with empathy and urgency is the best way to help a child in distress.
If a child says that she wants to die, disappear, or hurt herself in some way, it’s important that parents take the statement seriously and respond appropriately. While it can be upsetting to hear, it’s critical to respond with calm and compassion and to ask questions to dig deeper into the thoughts. Saying something like, “I’m so sorry you’ve been in so much pain. What’s been going on?” opens the door to a safe, non-judgmental conversation. Parents should emphasize that they love their child and are always there if they need help.
On the other hand, minimizing the child’s pain (“You have nothing to be sad about!”), scolding them (“Why would you say such an awful thing?!”), or demonstrating reluctance to talk about the subject will likely only serve to further isolate or alienate the child.
If the child has a specific plan to die by suicide, has access to lethal means, or seems to be in immense distress, parents should seek immediate help. This can be done by calling a suicide hotline (in the U.S., the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline can be reached at 1-800-273-8255; other countries' suicide hotlines can be found on our resources page) or a local emergency number such as 911; parents may also wish to take their child to the nearest emergency room for evaluation.
Even if there seems to be no immediate danger, calling a suicide hotline can help parents assess the situation and can connect them to additional resources in the area. Afterward, parents should likely look into longer-term help from a mental health provider. To find someone nearby, visit the Psychology Today Therapy Directory.
Children and teens who struggle with suicidal thoughts can recover and live happy, fulfilling lives; parents’ support is often a critical component of this journey. In addition to seeking professional mental healthcare if necessary, parents should check back in with their child regularly, listen empathetically and without judgment when they share difficult emotions, help them pursue meaningful hobbies or joyful activities, and promote positive family interactions as much as possible.
Navigating a child’s depression or thoughts of suicide won’t always be easy, and there may be periods where a child falls back into despair after a period of progress. But it’s okay for a child to not be okay all the time; parents should always make clear that no matter how a child is feeling or what he’s struggling with, he is always loved—and there’s nothing wrong with asking for help.
To learn more about helping a depressed child, see Children and Depression.
It can be helpful to let school counselors or trusted teachers know that a child is struggling emotionally; how specific you want to be is up to you. Asking school officials to keep an eye on your child’s social and emotional state, and to check in with them from time to time to see how they’re doing, can serve several purposes. For one, it alerts parents to warning signs they might not see otherwise; for another, it reinforces to the child that there are adults who care about them and offers an additional outlet for them to share their feelings in a safe environment.
If your child lets you know that a friend has been talking or posting about suicide or self-harm, it’s important to pass that information along to someone who can secure help for the child in need. If you know the child’s parents, reach out to them and tell them that their child has brought up hurting themselves; if you don’t, a school counselor can be a good resource. If you reach out to the child’s parents and they react hostilely or seem disinclined to take action, it can still be a good idea to follow up with the school, just in case.
If the risk seems immediate—the child is posting direct threats on social media, for instance—and the parents are unreachable, it may be necessary to call 911 or a local emergency number. When in doubt, calling the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (1-800-273-8255) if in the U.S., or a suicide hotline in your country, can help you assess the situation and, if necessary, connect you with resources in the area.
It’s also important to assure your child that they did the right thing by letting you know. Children often worry about getting their friend “in trouble”; teens, especially, tend to be deeply committed to their peer relationships and are loath to betray a friend’s trust. Thank your child for trusting you with this information and emphasize that it’s the best way to get their friend the help he or she needs. While it’s certainly possible that the friend will initially be hurt or angry that your child shared their secret with an adult, an upset friend is better than the alternative. In many cases, children living with suicidal thoughts come to be grateful to their friends for alerting others to their struggles.
Few parents are prepared to learn that their child is thinking of hurting themselves or has a plan to die by suicide. Such a revelation is naturally overwhelming for many parents; most will wonder if they did something wrong or otherwise caused their child distress. Such feelings, while understandable, are typically not based in reality, and parents don't have to navigate their difficult emotional responses alone. Seeking support from a therapist, family members, friends, or other trusted confidantes can help ensure that parents are able to care for themselves while ensuring their child gets the help he or she needs.
Suicidal thoughts do not discriminate, and even children in close, loving families can experience them. Children can struggle with suicidal thoughts for a number of reasons, many of which lie far outside a parent’s control. Mental illness, negative peer relationships, or trauma can all heighten a child’s risk for suicide, and even the best parents cannot eliminate these and other risk factors from a child’s life.
But parents are far from powerless, and family influence can be a powerful defense against a child’s challenges. Parents who learn that a child is experiencing suicidal thoughts should be proactive, make a concerted effort to connect with their child and offer support, and seek whatever help is necessary. It’s also important to practice self-care and seek support for yourself if necessary; having a child who is struggling with suicidal thoughts can be immensely painful, but there is no shame in it or in leaning on the people around you for support.
For most children, suicidal thoughts are not a lifelong presence. A large percentage of children who deal with suicidal thoughts, even those who attempt suicide, do go on to fully recover. Some mental health conditions, like depression, may require an extended period of treatment before the child feels hopeful again; others, like bipolar disorder or ADHD, may require lifelong management in some cases. But with parental support, strong peer relationships, therapy, and perseverance, children can navigate a suicidal crisis and emerge stronger and healthier.
Supporting a child through suicidal thoughts can be a significant burden for parents, and they should not hesitate to turn to family, friends, and mental health providers for support. Reading books about families who underwent similar struggles can be enormously helpful. And even though it’s normal to be intensely focused on your child’s needs, it’s important to take care of your own, too. Practicing self-care, engaging in healthy behaviors, and seeing a therapist for emotional support can all ensure you’re best-equipped to help your child and that your own needs are getting met. To find a provider near you, visit the Psychology Today Therapy Directory.
