How to Help Quiet Colleagues Speak Up in Meetings

One of the most frustrating things about working on a team can be when everyone is so risk-averse that they don't want to speak up and say what they think. There are many reasons for this. Some people have all the responsibility but none of the authority to make changes, so they lay low. Sometimes, it's a toxic work environment, and people fear real repercussions for speaking up. Racism and misogyny may keep certain members of the team quiet.

It can be helpful to learn a trick from therapists dealing with clients who agree on the surface but have no intention of following through. Therapists will switch from content to process conversations (e.g., "I notice that when we talk about this issue, your tone gets defensive. Can you tell me more about that?"). In doing so, they may get to the heart of why people are really resisting change.

Reasons Why People Don't Speak Up

There are many reasons why people might not speak up in a meeting, even if they have strong opinions on the topic. Here are some common ones:

• They have all the responsibility but none of the authority to make changes. In other words, they know that they will have to do all the work to implement whatever decision is made. But they don't actually have any power to influence the decision itself. So, as a result, they stay quiet because it's not worth their time and energy to put forth an opinion that won't be heard or valued. It's even worse if speaking up will lead to being assigned more work that is destined to fail because you don't have the power to do what is really required to get the job done.
• The work environment is toxic, and speaking up would result in repercussions like being passed over for future projects or even getting fired. This is especially true in cases of racism and misogyny, where women and people of color often feel their voices won't be heard or valued.
• People may be too introverted or shy to speak up in a large group setting. They may need some time to process their thoughts before being able to articulate them clearly. Or, they may not want to put themselves in the spotlight by sharing their opinion first.
• There could be a conflict of interest at play—maybe someone stands to gain financially from a decision being made one way or another. In these cases, that person should declare their conflict upfront so everyone knows it and can factor it into their decision-making process accordingly.

Conversation Starters That Get to the Heart of the Matter

To get past these surface-level reasons why people might not speak up in meetings, therapists use a technique called "process conversation." Process conversations are a way of talking about how we talk—specifically, why we're not talking when we should be. In contrast, content conversations are focused on the actual topic at hand. So by focusing on process instead of content, we can get to the root of why people are really resistant to change.

For example, if someone feels like their opinion isn't valued, you might say something like, "I notice that you haven't said much during this discussion, and I'm wondering if something is going on that's preventing you from speaking up." If you sense defensiveness when someone does share their opinion, you might say, "It sounds like you're feeling pretty strongly about this. Can you tell me more about what's driving that?" By asking questions like these, you may get past any surface-level reasons why someone isn't speaking up and get down to what's happening underneath.

Confronting Your Own Anxiety About Addressing the Elephant in the Room

It can be hard to switch to process conversations, especially if you're used to staying silent in meetings. You may feel like you're stepping on toes or that your questions will be met with hostility or resistance. To strengthen your resolve, remind yourself why speaking up is essential.

One reason is that process conversations help us get to the root of why people are resistant to change. By understanding what's going on, we can develop a plan to address it. Another reason is that speaking up can help create a more open and productive work environment. When everyone feels free to share their thoughts and opinions, it leads to better decisions and a more positive work culture.

Finally, remember that there are benefits to speaking up. Even if your opinion isn't heard or valued, you'll at least be satisfied knowing that you tried to encourage others on your team. So, next time you're in a meeting and sense that someone has something valuable to say, don't be afraid to let them know that you would like to hear more from them.