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Key points
- Commitment in relationships requires clear, honest communication, both within oneself and with others.
- Commitment is a test of character, vision, and determination and is an endless well of strength and courage.
- Commitments that go unchallenged don't become stronger or clearer.
- What is learned about oneself from commitment to meeting challenges is more important than specific accomplishments.
Making resolutions is a time-honored tradition. It is also a source of humor as well as humility, as we look at ourselves and others. Why are we incapable of transforming all those good intentions into meaningful change?
Commitment is a path, a journey, and an adventure. It is both a beginning and an end goal for a positive relationship—with oneself and with others. It is a state of mind as well as an emotional and intellectual understanding. It represents continuing actions focused on specific goals as well as a statement of purpose.
In the journey of entrepreneurship as well as personal relationships, our commitment is constantly tested, by others, by our own insecurities, the best and the worst of who we are as human beings. We can admire and learn from others, but we must find our own way, set milestones, deal with unmet expectations and the inevitable disappointments.
Commitment in entrepreneurship
When starting a new venture, entrepreneurs must embrace the uncertainty and volatility of endless highs and lows, of minor successes and daunting failures. Members of their team may, for one reason or another, choose to leave or feel forced to find a different place to develop their talents.
What are the boundaries of commitment? When and under what circumstances should commitments change? Pivoting is a necessary step in the growth of a startup. The most productive pivots result from internalizing and processing the feedback from stakeholders in the ecosystem—potential customers, partners, competitors, regulators, industry analysts, media reporters, etc. When does a pivot become a fundamental modification of commitment? Maybe never—if the ultimate commitment, the sense of purpose that motivates an entrepreneur, is at a sufficiently high level of spiritual meaning.
It is a test of character, of vision and determination. It is both a sign and a measure of our growth. There is a direct correlation between commitment and success. Just look at the personal histories of Olympic athletes. Why do we admire them so much? Yes, they have extraordinary gifts of athletic skill and are given rare opportunities to participate in the sports they dearly love. But, they have all been greatly challenged, with physical injuries, mental health issues, emotional trauma. Why do they persist? How are they able to achieve as much as they have? How do they bounce back, often stronger and wiser than before?
Commitment is an endless well and source of strength. Courage, its close cousin, is like the other half of a binary star, where their orbits are intertwined. Movement and progress in one lead and supports movement in the other. People who have achieved success credit the many lessons learned from meeting and overcoming adversity. Just as our physical muscles become stronger when they are worked, our ability to commit also increases in intensity and breadth. When we look back at such experiences, don’t we feel a satisfying sense of accomplishment, of having achieved some purpose as well as completing a task?
Commitment in relationships
Consider commitment in personal relationships, e.g., in a marriage. Can two people really be perfectly matched to each other? What would that mean? Human beings are complex, have internally contradictory values and drives, and layers of beliefs that underlie behavior that they never examine in themselves, but may find irritating in another. The romantic version of marriage is that the sense of mutual love is so strong that it can overcome all challenges. Is this a belief in the power of commitment to the concept of love, whatever that is?
Marriage vows are intended to be declarations of commitment, of beliefs that will never be questioned, of promises that will never be broken. The reality of married life, especially with children, including the stresses of two-income families also caring for aging parents, brings many tests of those original commitments.
When we are young, we have no idea how complicated and difficult decision-making can get! As we mature, we realize that we are challenged just to be comfortable with ourselves, our needs and desires, even before considering what will be acceptable and satisfying for another. What must we hold most dear in our hearts? What are we deeply committed to, just for ourselves, our values? What can we give up or compromise on, as we reframe their significance as not central to who we are? Maybe a marriage that works is one where both parties simply commit to the idea that being together is better than being alone.
What happens when disagreements are unavoidable, especially in financial matters (“ownership”) and child-raising? These contexts highlight individual values, deeply held beliefs that we may not have been aware of or examined. Indeed, the best and worst of our personalities and talents are tested in times of stress. How do we proceed in positive directions, both for ourselves and for larger social units, such as a marriage? How can commitment be measured? Is that even a workable idea?
Communication is key, starting with the conversations that take place only in our individual minds. How well do we understand the complexities of our values and expectations? How do we communicate those to others? How well do we listen when other people describe how they feel, what they believe in, what they can’t live without? How much patience, understanding, and empathy do we bring when deep emotions are shared?
Challenges to commitment
Commitments that go unchallenged don’t become stronger and clearer. That is like strength training using one-pound dumbbells. You will feel that your muscles can easily make the movements and maintain the correct positions, but we are celebrating just how easy it feels. Our muscles will not grow under this training regimen. Physical therapists and trainers tell you that you have to “feel the burn,” that you have to push yourself to the point where your muscles not just feel pain, they send messages to your brain: “I can’t do any more reps." Then, do one or two more reps, just to punish yourself for doubting. Over time, you discover, to your delight, that the heavier weights and extended practice become easier.
Discovering who we are committed to be
Finally, this is a key concept—what we learn about ourselves as we take on challenges is more important than completing milestones—at work, in sports, in relationships. We learn about the limitations we set for ourselves, the beliefs that blind us to new opportunities, and how to see the boundaries of our comfort zone. We discover who we are committed to be.
