Demystifying Black x Brown Love

In the South Asian American community, romantic relationships between South Asian and Black individuals are a topic of some controversy for both obvious and complex reasons related to institutionalized racism, colorism, and colonialism. Marital status in this community already comes with a fair share of trials and tribulations that impact mental health. An interracial element can add another layer of intricacy.

In my research, I discovered the Blindian Project, an organization created and led by Jonah Batambuze, co-author of When We See Ourselves: Black x Brown Love. The Blindian Project provides safe spaces for “Blindian” (Black and Indian couples to share their stories and find connection and community. Indian (in Blindian) refers to the subcontinent of precolonial India. I decided to interview Jonah to hear about his work to destigmatize interracial unions and foster understanding between Black and Brown communities. The interview is edited for length and clarity.

JB: Thank you for joining me! I found this whole idea very inspiring. What prompted you to create the Blindian Project?

Jonah: Sure, thanks, my name is Jonah Batambuze and I’m Ugandan American. My parents fled Uganda in 1975, and I was born and raised in Chicago. Before I finished university I decided to study abroad in Dublin, where I met my wife Swetha, who is Telugu and from Guntur, in South India. I had never spoken intimately with a South Asian Indian before, though I had met many. Six years later we were married. So fortunately for us, we didn’t face any significant difficulties. But I do remember at the wedding there were probably three or four Aunties that approached me and made it a point to say, “You know, we've been to weddings like yours before,” and “We know couples like you.” And I thought, bless them, they are just trying to make me feel comfortable, as I didn't really know what they meant.

It was about 10 years later before we saw another couple that resembled us. We would see South Asian and White couples, but never like us. I had begun writing while abroad, so Blindian relationships was the next campaign I focused on. I'd seen some mixed couples who were online, and I asked them if they wanted to share their stories in the digital collages I was compiling. I didn't really think anything of it at that time and moved on to the next thing I was working on. But then in 2017 we are traveling back from India and I had read this article about African students getting attacked by street mobs in New Delhi. So I wanted to know more. I didn't know anything about anti-Blackness in India or about caste (Hindu hierarchical stratification system). So, it was really a kind of exploration to make myself more knowledgeable.

JB: Wow, I can imagine the impact that had on you. What an important reason to start this project and bring more understanding between these communities. What types of family struggles did you hear about?

Jonah: So just introducing someone to your parents is a major issue. There were the extreme situations, where people were disowned or some even 15 years later never reconciled with their parents. These couples were raising kids and were completely separate from their immediate families. Sometimes when grandkids come into the picture, families would reunite. For some there is a gradual process of reconciliation through conversation. There is nothing documented about this for Black and South Asian couples. In reflecting on my own and others’ stories, I was able to create a workshop around how to approach such conversations and shared this with folks around the world.

JB: It's amazing that the idea of just introducing someone can create a lot of stress. While it sounds benign, falling in love is indeed a loaded situation, when the family doesn’t approve. There is a feeling of disappointing or failing the family, and that becomes a basis for depression or other mental health ailments. In such situations, South Asians usually revert to introducing a partner as a “friend” and that’s how it is viewed and expected to stay, especially if the person is outside of the community. I suppose there’s a spectrum of responses from families that may have to do with lack of exposure to diversity. What were some of the specific mental health struggles that folks were having?

Jonah: Folks often feel very isolated, anxious about feeling disowned, and there are those who lead double lives in which they can’t be their true selves. They may have to walk on eggshells with their parents, especially those still living at home.

JB: Yes, I have had friends and family members who dealt with such issues and for some it was incredibly stressful mentally and emotionally, to the point of significant depression. So how do you go about normalizing Blindian relationships?

Jonah: The basic foundation is all about creating a safe space and allowing people to feel welcome, accepted, and to share personal stories. It can be very therapeutic for those who have been marginalized; they don’t have friends or family they can speak to. You can go crazy having these questions in your head. So it's cathartic to be able to come into a space and see that there are other people there who have gone through similar situations and feel safe to share your truth.

We have a psychologist who worked with us and was in a Blindian relationship herself, so she could relate to the personal experience and could speak to that. There is a power to be able to name what is affecting you and holding you back.

In regards to race and anti-Blackness, we try to help by giving some context as to why some of that exists. We want to help people to put a name to things. Educational awareness is important. We also talk about our identities as Black and brown communities and create parallels that allow us to realize that we are more similar than we are different.

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JB: How do you help couples navigate the racism they face from their families and society?

Jonah: It is often things that they may not have consciously experienced from their parents before. This catches them off guard, and impacts how they view their parents. It is difficult and can be painful. Many folks feel they are being disrespectful or shaming the family. We try to be that listening ear for them when they share. We help individuals see that they haven’t done anything wrong by being a specific skin tone or with who they have fallen in love with.

I don’t think believe people realize how stressful it is for folks in interracial relationships. For example, if a Black man and South Asian woman are dating, the man could be lighter-skinned than the woman, but it's still the fact that the person is Black. The complexion thing goes out the window. But, I think it starts with the parents, they can’t stand up to their friends. I spoke to a woman in her 40s who was living with her partner and her parents didn’t know about it, even at that age, she was unable to just live her life.

In terms of bringing our community together, we try to demystify the stereotypes between us. We have been doing some workshops for corporations and universities, and it's been good to share knowledge. For instance, many people don’t know about indentured servitude, or about Black and brown relations in Uganda or in the Caribbean. We’ve been having some very interesting conversations, with various groups including LGBTQ+, where we find the commonalities between all of the types of groups. It can be a very powerful dialogue.

JB: What do you think South Asian Americans as a whole can do to change the dialogue around this issue?

Jonah: It's important to be open and honest about where you stand on things, and speak up about these issues when you hear things that are wrong. Children are often programmed and taught to think relationships with Black people are wrong but we can change this.

JB: Is there anything further you could share that mental health professionals need to be aware of?

Jonah: People want culturally competent counselors. Even in terms of visibility and representation, Black and brown relationships are still quite new. It's hard to start from square one in therapy, as it's helpful to have someone who “gets it” and just understands the factors involved. For instance, it's important to recognize that a client in such a relationship could have been ostracized from their family and may need help with working through this.

JB: Thank you Jonah for all the work that your organization is doing to not only help others, but to move the conversation forward. I feel we have just scratched the surface of this topic as there is so much more to unpack with respect to internalized racism and multi-generational trauma. I hope we can connect again on these topics. Thanks again for your time! This was a wonderful conversation.

Jonah: Appreciate it, thank you!