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Key points
- It doesn’t matter how well you plan and try to control your life; unexpected things will crop up.
- It will be easier to face unexpected challenges with a positive mindset.
- Practice gratitude during difficult moments.
Do you believe that "every cloud has a silver lining"? Do you think that you can find something positive in every situation? It might not always be easy, but, for sure, it is always possible—and also essential.
It doesn’t matter how well you plan and try to control your life; unexpected things will crop up. Getting caught in traffic and being late, a pigeon ruining your favorite coat on your way to an important meeting, or an extra expense on something unexpected like a vet’s bill or a burst water pipe can all seem frustrating. And, for sure, they are. But you don’t have to let the frustration take over your mind and your day.
Instead, you can choose to see these surprises as opportunities for you to practice choosing your mindset. You can choose to face these surprises with resilience and positivity. You can choose to find that silver lining in every situation.
Here is how:
1. Acknowledge your ability to be positive.
Simply acknowledging your ability to be positive helps you to become exactly that. You give yourself more confidence in changing your mindset, and, as a result, you give less power to your negativity. Say to yourself, “I have the power to choose to be positive.”
2. Become aware of when you are being optimistic or pessimistic.
Change is always driven by awareness. When you become aware of what your thoughts are and in what situations they surface, you can start to manage them in a more effective way. When you look at the examples below, can you think of when you’re more of an optimist and when you’re more of a pessimist?
Pessimist: This problem is permanent. This will never get resolved!
Optimist: This problem is fleeting. A solution will be found eventually.*
*Even if the problem is somehow permanent, how you feel about the problem is not permanent.
Pessimist: This problem is all-encompassing. Everything is going wrong!
Optimist: This problem is limited to this situation. Only this thing is going wrong.
Pessimist: This problem is personal. It’s all my fault, and the whole world is against me.
Optimist: This problem isn’t about me or a reflection of my abilities. There are multiple variables at play, one of which might be me.
In short, thinking in an optimistic manner isn’t about ignoring the facts or the reality, but about acknowledging them in a rational way, without over-dramatizing the situation. It’s also about understanding that it’s not about whether you see the glass as half full or half empty, but whether you believe you have the ability to fill up the glass. Newsflash: You do.
3. When you feel frustrated or stressed, find something in that moment to say thank you for.
When exercised regularly, gratitude is a practice that can shift your perspective and make you see the world through a whole new lens. It is the lens that shifts the balance from negative to positive. It is the lens that gives you the perspective you need to stay grounded and see the positives even when you think there aren’t any.
- Overslept the alarm? Say thank you for not having overslept even more.
- Having a stressful moment at work? Say thank you for having things to do in your job.
- A pigeon ruins your favourite coat? Say thank you for the luck they are giving you (apparently getting pooped on by a bird gives you luck). Say thank you for getting the opportunity to mix your style up with a different coat while this one is in the wash.
4. When you come across rudeness, speak kindly.
Speak kindly to that self-critical voice inside your head and to the stressed-out person standing next to you. The simple act of speaking kindly can reduce your stress and up your positivity.
- Someone pushes past you into the train? Say to yourself, "That’s OK. I understand that some people will be on a tighter schedule than I am today."
- A stressed-out colleague at work challenges you? Respond with something like, “I will do my best to help you if I can.”
- A friend tries to badmouth or gossip about another friend? Acknowledge it with something positive, like, “I think she’s doing her best. Let's cut her some slack.”
This isn’t about feeling superior, being patronizing, or teaching them a lesson. It’s about you not letting other people’s moods and behaviors get the better of you. It’s about you bringing positivity into the moment and changing not only your mood but also the mood of those around you. Because showing kindness, similarly to smiling, gets those happy hormones going in your body. And those happy hormones are the ones that will help you to be positive.
Finally, let’s listen to the wise words of poet Walt Whitman:
Keep your face toward the sunshine—and the shadows will fall behind you.
