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Key points
- Don't take yourself too seriously; laugh at yourself, and be genuine to build connections.
- Share your expertise, connect with people, and help others pursue their dreams.
- Be your best self by cultivating authenticity, humility, and gratitude.
Younger people often recoil in shock when I tell them how short life is. People in their late teens and early 20s don't realize that, in the blink of an eye, they will be 40 or 50 years old. They don't have the life experience or perspective to understand this. But it's true. The years do pass quickly.
Life doesn't come with a book of instructions, but as we age, many of us learn some of the secrets of how life works. We learn how to get along with others, help others move forward in their own lives, and reach the goals we've set for ourselves. I will share some of what has worked for me, but in the spirit of the title, don't take my word for it. Try it out and see what works for you.
1. Don't take yourself too seriously. It's OK to laugh at yourself. Self-deprecating humor works well because it's not offensive to anyone and draws people toward you. Everyone can relate to doing something silly or absent-minded. And once you start laughing, others will laugh as well. Then, they will let their guard down so you can get to know them.
2. Be authentic. People are always playing games with each other, seeing whether they can convince the other person to make the first move. Being authentic gets around the games. Say what you mean and mean what you say.
Many of us resist being authentic because we fear others won't like us if they see who we are. But in fact, the opposite is often true. People will usually like us more once they get to know us. And being authentic means we don't have to lie or pretend. Just be yourself, and most people will like you. Tell other people you love and care about them; they may very well need to hear it.
3. Be humble. No matter how accomplished you are, there is still plenty for you to learn from others. Both Socrates and Confucius taught us that fools think they know everything, but wise people know how little they know. Be willing to listen to others, admit when you are wrong, and credit others for their accomplishments.
Thank others for what they have taught you. True confidence is quiet and has no reason to brag or boast. If you know how good you are, you don't need to tell the world about it. You know what you have accomplished, and you are free to give away credit to others. When you make others feel good about themselves, they want to be in your presence.
4. Be grateful. The words thank you are two of our language's most underused—and important—words. When someone helps you, thank them. When someone inspires you, thank them. When someone teaches you something, thank them. I have thanked my mentors a million times for what they did for me, and they never seem tired of hearing it. Everyone likes to be appreciated.
5. Inspire others. As someone told me many years ago, your life is not only about you. It's also about everyone else you meet. If you see someone pursuing a dream, help them reach it. If you know two people pursuing similar goals, connect them. If you have expertise that would help someone else accomplish something important to them, share that expertise with them. If you have an idea you think will help someone else, give it to them.
6. Respect others. No matter where people are in their lives, everyone deserves to be respected, cared about, and honored. Be gentle and honorable in how you talk to other people, and always seek to uplift them. Call people what they wish to be called, even if you disagree.
Honor people's beliefs about themselves. If you see someone doing something likely to hurt them, gently help them see that potential harm for themselves. If they are not ready or willing to see what you want them to see, honor that. It's the other person's life, not yours. (Of course, if what they are doing is likely to hurt others, that's a different story.)
7. Be intentional. Think about your words before you say them and your actions before you undertake them. As my mother used to say, once the words are out of your mouth, they no longer belong to you. They belong to everyone who hears them. Be sure that you are communicating exactly what you wish to communicate. Go through life with your eyes wide open.
8. Consider what you want people to say about you at your funeral. Live your life according to the mark you want to leave on the world. Things you say or do may not mean very much to you, but they may have a great impact on other people. Every thought, word, and deed helps create your path through life and allows others to see who you are.
Live every day as though it is the most important day in your life because it is.
References
Intellectual Humility as a Route to More Accurate Knowledge, Better Decisions, and Less Conflict. American Journal of Health Promotion M.R. Leary.
The Essence of Authenticity. O. Dammann, et al. Front. Psychol.
