What Helps Explain How Often People Lie in Relationships?

Have you ever expressed affection you have not genuinely felt in the moment? Naturally, the answer for many people to that question is yes. This question became the focus of my early research, identifying and studying deceptive affection.

The communication of deceptive affection occurs when one a) expresses affection he/she doesn’t feel, and/or b) withholds the expression of affection while feeling affection (Horan & Booth-Butterfield, 2011). If you’re wondering how this occurs, my previous PT entry summarizes this process.

Our previous research revealed that individuals express deceptive affection about 3 times a week to their non-married romantic partners (Horan & Booth-Butterfield, 2013). A natural question emerges, then, as to what factors might account for this process? We tackled this question through an initial examination of some relational factors that might help explain the frequency with which deceptive affection is expressed (Gillen & Horan, 2013).

We examined how the frequency of deceptive affectionate messages was related to beliefs about deception and relational qualities. Surprisingly, we found no relationships among deceptive affection and those factors. Still, we found that frequency of general romantic partner deception was related to how people view deception in general. Moreover, individuals who reported higher levels of commitment and satisfaction reported lower levels of romantic partner deception. This suggests that, potentially, romantic partners view deceptive affection and general deception differently.

The results of the above study are curious, and certainly methodological factors might account for findings. Regardless, findings of this study along with general deceptive affection research implicate that this emerging body of research warrants more attention. Ultimately, future studies will help us better understand the deception process generally, and deceptive affection process specifically.

Dr. Sean M. Horan is a Communication professor. Follow him on Twitter @TheRealDrSean. His expertise is communication across relationships, with topics including deception, affection, workplace romance, sexual risk/safety, attraction, deceptive affection, and initial impressions. His work/commentary has appeared on CNN, ABC, Fox, The Wall Street Journal, and more.

Gillen, H., & Horan, S. M. (2013). Toward an understanding of the relationships among

deceptive affection, deceptive beliefs, and relational qualities. Communication

Research Reports, 30, 352-358. doi: 10.1080/08824096.2013.836629

Horan, S. M., & Booth-Butterfield, M. (2013). Understanding the routine expression of

deceptive affection in romantic relationships. Communication Quarterly, 61, 195-

216. doi: 10.1080/01463373.2012.751435

Horan, S. M., & Booth-Butterfield, M. (2011). Is it worth lying for? Physiological and

emotional implications of recalled deceptive affection. Human Communication

Research, 37, 78-106. doi: 10.1111/j.1468-2958.2010.01394.x