Do You Experience Post-Event Sadness?

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The excitement of an upcoming vacation or meaningful event: the preparation, the shopping, and the overall anticipation. Most of us look forward to vacations or meaningful life events with great enjoyment, but what is less talked about are the post-vacation or post-event blues.

Maybe we all get a little sad when a trip ends, but some people struggle with deeper feelings of sadness, even depression. If this is a familiar feeling, many people also experience a level of guilt for feeling this way. Shouldn’t I be happy that I went? Shouldn’t I feel grateful that I even got a vacation or completed this life event? Shouldn’t I feel relaxed and rejuvenated? The answer to these questions can be “yes” while simultaneously experiencing a level of sadness. Why does this happen, and what can we do to manage it?

Sure, there is a level of relaxation and problem avoidance on vacations that makes us more present-focused. We get a temporary break from life’s stressors, and undoubtedly, once the trip is over, we return to them. However, there is more to it. To understand this phenomenon of post-vacation or post-event blues, we need to understand the reward circuit of our brain as well as drive, purpose, and goals.

Our brain’s reward circuit lies within our limbic system. Feelings of fear and anger, as well as pleasure and reward, are driven by this dopaminergic pathway. It is the same pathway that makes drugs, sex, and gambling so addicting. Planning a vacation triggers this pathway. The build-up of talking about the vacation, planning where you will stay and activities you will do, going shopping for new clothes, etc.—these are all “hits” to your dopamine receptors.

In addition, planning gives us purpose. As humans, we need goals and purpose to feel satisfied. Thus, an upcoming vacation not only gives us “hits” of dopamine but also satisfies our need for purpose and goal attainment. Once the vacation ends, there is a sudden drop in dopamine; the planning has ended, and the goal is complete. The more anticipation and planning, the higher the possibility of post-vacation sadness.

However, this phenomenon doesn’t just happen with vacations. People can experience similar feelings of sadness when large or meaningful life events end (e.g., a wedding, graduating, moving, or even completing a physical feat such as finishing a marathon). I once had a client who talked to me about feeling a tremendous level of sadness when she was graduating with her Master’s degree. She recalled walking across the stage, and when she got to the end, she felt a deep level of sadness overcome her. Not only was this an unpleasant feeling, but it was confusing to her. She was proud and excited that she earned her degree but also confusingly sad. Looking back, she processed how she did not want to redo her entire Master’s degree and even found parts of her schooling dreadful. Yet, it was the goal attainment that kept driving her, and graduation signified task completion.

What’s further interesting is the discussion of personality types that may be more susceptible to this type of post-vacation or post-event depression. To understand this, we need to understand which personality types value goal setting and goal completion and are driven by purpose. We also need to look at personality types that value excitement, thrill-seeking, experience, and openness. According to the NEO Personality Inventory “Big Five Personality Factors,” these would be individuals that score high on the Extraversion and Openness scale.

Intriguingly, individuals who possess more “type-A” characteristics also tend to struggle more with post-vacation or post-event depression. According to Wang et al. (2021), type-A personality was significantly positively correlated with depression, appetite, and sleep disorders. This may be due to the type-A characteristic that finds reward in working on and toward goal completion as well as creating, planning, and structuring.

Although we must accept the end of vacations or major life events, there are several ways we can manage these subsequent feelings.

1. Reminiscing and storytelling

Reliving a vacation or event through sharing fond memories or experiences can put us in a mental state of gratitude. Remember the last time you asked someone to share a fond memory? Did their demeanor change? Were they eager and excited to talk about it? Putting ourselves in a mental headspace of gratitude and memory sharing can help to override feelings of sadness.

2. Work with your personality traits.

If you are someone who values experience or novelty, create occurrences post-event that can mimic or feed into these traits. For example, on a small scale, trying a new recipe or taking a new route home from work can feed into this sense of novelty and make the post-event transition smoother. If you are someone who values goal setting or task completion, creating mini-goals that can be crossed off at the end of the week can feed into drive.

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3. Focusing forward

Paradoxically to number 1, reminiscing may also further perpetuate feelings of sadness in some. If this is the case, focusing forward can help. Plan goals for the next week, month, two months, etc. Some individuals begin talking about the next trip they would like to take or upcoming events. Putting oneself in a headspace of planning and moving forward can be motivating.

4. Understanding and self-compassion

Perhaps above all, we need to lead with understanding and grace. Having the knowledge of why we may be feeling down can help us cope by practicing self-compassion. It’s OK to feel down, sad, or bummed. It’s OK to have some difficulties with motivation and getting back into the swing of things.

Our brain may need some time to self-regulate. Most importantly, we can learn to let go of judgment or feelings of guilt for experiencing sadness. Our brain’s processing is complex, and adding judgment intensifies unpleasant emotions.

Feelings of sadness and apathy post-vacation or event are common but not often openly discussed and, to a certain degree, can be normalized. Allowing ourselves a transitionary period back into the day-to-day is important from not only a physical and work perspective but a psychological one as well. Our brain needs time to readjust, but as this transition is happening, we can certainly take steps to ease in and work with our own personality traits. If the feelings of sadness or apathy do not begin to lessen in the coming days or weeks, it may be helpful to work with a therapist.

To find a therapist near you, visit the Psychology Today Therapy Directory.