Am I Being Stalked? Separating Danger From Drama

You arrive home to an anonymously delivered package, containing a cryptic note and a playing card of the Joker. A chill runs down your spine as you recall the plot lines of so many thriller stalking movies—most of which ended badly for the victim. Could the package contents be tied to those odd voicemails you have been receiving on your unlisted number? Should you call the police?

If you have ever been in this unenviable position, you are not alone. Research explains how stalking involves situational awareness, knowledge, and perception.

Source: Mircea Iancu / Pixabay

Spotting the Stalker

Stalking is an offense defined not only by the conduct of the perpetrator but also by the reaction of the victim. Fear mediates perception of a perpetrator’s behavior depending on a variety of factors, including everything from knowledge of stalking law, to media exposure, to the nature of the relationship with the stalker, if any. Because victim fear is subjective, it also complicates the response and reaction of friends, family, and law enforcement.

The fear created by stalking behavior often prompts changes to a victim’s routine, requiring them to strategize methods of disengagement and avoidance—especially when pursuers and victims share the same workplace, educational institution, or social circle. Many stalking victims spot their stalker when they are out in public, especially in the case of ex-intimates who know where the victim lives, works, walks, and drives—requiring victims to alter their schedules, exercise routines, and driving patterns.

Some victims, especially if they believe a prior relationship ended amicably, downplay the seriousness of the perpetrator’s behavior. This tendency to underestimate potential danger is often fueled by the drastically different way stalkers are portrayed on television and in the movies.

The Hollywood Stereotype of Stalkers

Amy Sides Schultz et al. (2014) in a piece entitled “Once Upon a Midnight Stalker” (2014), analyzed the ways in which stalking was portrayed in films.¹ They note that media portrayals of crime are associated with biased information processing as well as incorrect beliefs about the personal risk of victimization. Seeking to explore how interpersonal stalking is portrayed within media content, they analyzed 51 mainstream movies with conspicuous stalking themes, comparing the depictions portrayed with actual scientific data. They found, among other differences, that films portrayed stalking as briefer, more sexualized and deadly, and more gender equivalent compared to actual stalking cases. This may account for why many stalking victims, along with their friends and families, fail to recognize the elements of this crime.

Type of Stalker Determines Type of Fear

Researchers have noted that men and women perceive stalking differently (Cordellieri et al., 2024)² based on the severity of stalking behavior within the context of the relationship (e.g., neighbor dispute, resentful ex-partner, incompetent suitor) and the type of violence perpetrated—physical versus verbal only. Other researchers have identified ex-partner stalking as particularly dangerous.

Eleanor White et al. (2022) explored how ex-partner victims perceive stalking behavior.³ They define stalking as “a pattern of repeated, unwanted behaviors” that can include forms of disruptive communication, contact with third parties, and even physical or sexual violence.

White et al. found that as compared with other types of stalkers, ex-intimate stalkers presented a wider array of stalking behaviors, engaged in more stalking behaviors, and were more violent in their approach. One-third of ex-intimate stalkers in their sample threatened the victim, and one-fourth physically assaulted the victim. They concluded that examination of the stalker–victim relationship predicts both the degree of contact and the severity of the stalking behavior.

Taken together, for stalking victims of all types, the best prevention is proactive awareness and, when appropriate, professional intervention. Victim nonresponse, often in cooperation with law enforcement involvement, can work to protect victims, redirect stalkers, and, ideally, discourage the escalation of behavior.