Surviving the Holidays: Tips for Staying Healthy and Sober

Source: Samantha Stein

Why is the holiday season an especially tricky time? We are told relentlessly on television, at the movies, at our workplace, and at school that this time of year is the most fun, spiritual, exciting, intimate, and joyful time of the year.

In reality, however, for many people it can be a difficult time, triggering feelings of depression and anxiety as well as powerful urges to escape, use substances, and/or act out.

Some of the reasons for this are:

1. Our actual family experience does not match the “ideal” happy family that we are expected to have. Perhaps we don't spend this time with our family or don't want to, or when we do it is painful or brings up old, unhappy, or even traumatic memories.
2. We feel tremendous pressure to create the perfect experience, purchase the perfect gifts, be the perfect host, etc, leading to a perpetual feeling of “falling short."
3. We don't have the money this year to buy what we would like to be able to give.
4. We are invited to parties at work and through family and friends that we are expected to attend even if we don't want to.
5. We feel “something is missing” or “something is wrong with me” if we are alone.
6. There is a tremendous cultural increase in unhealthy behaviors, including alcohol consumption, sugar consumption, overeating, partying, drug use, lack of rest and exercise, etc., which contribute to an environment of excess, low-self esteem, difficulty thinking clearly, and not feeling well. Additionally, alcohol or drug use can serve as a disinhibitor and make acting out in other ways easier.
7. Some people don't feel a spiritual connection to the holiday or they are of a different religion or spiritual practice. This creates an experience of being an "outsider" and alienation.
8. There is tremendous pressure to have a "date" or to be part of a "couple," and to have the holidays be highly romantic. Whether someone is part of a couple or not, this pressure can be tremendous and can lead to wanting to escape feelings of loneliness or dissatisfaction.
9. In spite of all of the pressure and expectations, we are expected to be relaxed, happy, and "on vacation."
10. Because the pressure to feel happy and connected to others is so intense, the urge to drink, use drugs, act out sexually, etc. can be intense as it may serve as a seductive "substitute" for genuine intimacy.

So what's the solution? How do we remain sober and healthy during the holidays? Following are a few tips for keeping yourself safe and sober:

1. Don't isolate. Plan your days. Let people know where you are and plan to spend time with the people who support you and a healthy lifestyle. Create structure for yourself so you don't end up with lots of empty time.
2. Have realistic expectations. Imagine what the trip or party will be like ahead of time based on your past experience, not on a fantasy about it, and know that is what you will be headed towards if you go. Keep your thinking grounded in reality.
3. Take extra care of yourself. Keep up your exercise and good eating habits, meditate, and get lots of rest. Try to remain conscious about your eating and drinking.
4. Be creative. Think of simple gifts you can make or afford, or donate time volunteering in someone's name. Volunteer to go with someone who needs you as a gift.
5. Have a Plan B. When you find yourself somewhere that is triggering or you are in a situation where the opportunity to relapse is in front of you, have an escape plan, like going out to a movie or going for a walk.
6. Find new ways to celebrate. Who says the old (triggering) ones were really so great anyway? Feel free to say "no" to things that you know will not be healthy for you or will be triggering, and invent new ways of being in this time of year that feel supportive, positive, and in alignment with your values.
7. Get support. Most importantly, get the support you need during this time, either from loved ones, group meetings, therapy, or friends who know your struggles and can really be there for you. Share your feelings with them and your needs.

Remember, urges will pass and this time of year will pass. Sometimes it can be helpful to just remind yourself if you are feeling the pull to revert to those old, reliable escapes that those behaviors really never made you happy during and only made you feel terrible afterward. The urge is like a wave that peaks in intensity but will pass. Afterward, you will feel one step freer from the destructive patterns that have dragged you down in the past.

Also remember: Just because old patterns, ways of being, traditions, and cultural norms exist doesn’t mean we have to follow them. Starting new, healthy traditions that align with who you are and how you want to live your life may feel initially strange, but ultimately they, too, will become familiar and joyful, and they are the steps that will take you one step closer to a richer and truly happier life.