An Opportunity for Healing and Unity

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Given recent events in the United States, it is clear we can do better as a nation in promoting unity rather than stoking division, and by using our minds to calmly guide the passion in our hearts.

In that light, this blog presents some tips from counseling work that may help our nation heal.

Compromise rather than Confrontation

It is useful to keep in mind that confrontation leads to resistance, such as occurred during the time prior to the American Civil War. When you tell people that they are wrong, they defend themselves and become more entrenched in their position. A better way to achieve cooperation is to tell people that you value their opinions and want to incorporate them into the framework of a compromise, such as occurred when the United States constitution was developed.

Use Active Listening and Respect

When people state their positions, the opposition should first be encouraged to repeat what was said, as a demonstration that they listened carefully and understood their opponents. In this way, people will feel that they have been heard and respected. If the original position was misunderstood, then it can be restated by its proponents in a different way that may lead to clearer understanding.

Respect for one another also can be enhanced by harkening to the free speech idea promoted by philosopher Voltaire’s statement, “I do not agree with a word you say but will defend to the death your right to say it.”

Give the Benefit of the Doubt

People should be encouraged to view their opponents in a positive light, e.g., that we are all interested in improving our country. When opponents feel that the other side overreacted or acted in bad faith, they should seek to understand the other side’s position, and explain calmly how particular situations might have been remedied differently.

By giving the benefit of the doubt people are less prone to becoming angry with each other, which tends to shut down effective communication.

Focus on Shared Beliefs

Rather than seeking to identify and exploit differences between opponents, we should first identify areas of agreement. Focusing on shared beliefs can build trust, empathy, and help improve cooperation between opponents.

A leader and media who approach our national discourse while adopting the suggestions proposed in this blog may be called idealistically naïve by critics. Nonetheless, people who advocate compromise and lead to its enactment would provide our country with a refreshing change in leadership and media style, which could be readily embraced by many Americans.

As author George Bernard Shaw said, “Progress is impossible without change, and those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything.”

Conclusion

Adopting the outlined approaches will require a fundamental change in our expectations of each other, our elected representatives and media. In that light, our best path forward is one that builds upon the democratic spirit of compromise and reconciliation.