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In order to break the cycle of trauma, we first need to define what we mean by trauma. There is a wide range of experiences in life that qualify as traumatic; some will lead to the development of PTSD, and others will resolve on their own. Luckily, there is a growing awareness that trauma exists beyond experiences in war and sexual violation and that it can have a significant impact on the mental health and well-being of those who have experienced it.
Here we define trauma as an overwhelming life experience, single event, or ongoing occurrence that includes fear, helplessness, betrayal, or violation and that disrupts one’s sense of trust and safety in the world. In other words, we are focusing on relational trauma or complex PTSD.
Once trauma has been identified, there are four key steps that will help people heal from their overwhelming experience. First, thank your trauma response. Next, trust that you have what you need inside of you to heal. Transform what doesn’t belong to you by releasing what no longer serves you. Last, take back your power by rising above your trauma and choosing to forgive those who have harmed you.
When we go through something overwhelming, our body does its best to protect us from further harm. The reactions, responses, and symptoms that develop are our psyche’s best attempt at keeping the pain at bay. Many people try to get rid of their reactions to trauma and see them as problematic. I encourage them to appreciate that the fear, the depression, the avoidance, or the substance use, for example, is their best attempt at preventing themselves from re-experiencing their trauma. Thanking your trauma response relaxes your nervous system and opens the door to further healing.
Next, I reassure people that they have all they need inside of them to heal. I help them trust their internal wisdom to foster safety and access self-compassion for what they’ve experienced. When someone is traumatized, they disconnect from themselves to survive. I encourage people to trust their judgment and learn to listen to their intuition again.
Once someone appreciates the ways their responses were helpful and learns to trust themselves, healing is attainable. Based on current neuroscience knowledge and formidable models of psychotherapy, there are three main components to transformation. First, the experience needs to be witnessed. This can happen internally (i.e., mindfully being with the overwhelming experience), or it can be shared with a trusted friend or professional. Once the experience is fully witnessed, a disconfirming experience is required. The person needs to have a corrective experience, one that is opposite from the trauma. For example, if they were hated, they need to feel loved. If they were neglected, they need to feel connected. If they were hit, they need to feel physically safe.
Moving through the above stages paves the way for true release to happen. All the thoughts, feelings, and physical sensations that were associated with the trauma can then be released. If trauma treatment doesn’t include witnessing, a corrective experience, and the release of what was held, then true healing is not sustainable.
Once a person has let go of the trauma, they have the option to forgive those who have harmed them. Some will choose never to forgive, which is always an option; but if forgiveness is preferred, it is more likely to happen after healing has occurred. Forgiveness is more beneficial for the person doing the forgiving than it is for the person being forgiven. One doesn’t condone or forget what happened, but one no longer carries the hurt, anger, or resentment toward the person who violated them.
Breaking the trauma cycle can happen internally or in a relationship with another person. It can happen in or outside of therapy. Trauma blocks love and connection, and it’s love and connection that heals trauma. When someone follows the four Ts of breaking the trauma cycle (thanking, trusting, transforming, and taking back their power), they can live a life that is less burdened by their past and they become more connected to their authentic self—the self before the trauma.
