How Stereotypic Portrayals of Manhood Disadvantage Our Boys

By Noah Chojnacki, Maihcen Ware, and Adam A. Rogers, Ph.D.

Nearly everyone is familiar with popular portrayals of men as aggressive, individualistic, emotionally stoic, and sexually promiscuous. Do these match your expectations for the boys you love and care for?

These portrayals are especially common in the media, where movies, shows, music and social media can provide models for boys on how to act and express themselves. They see men exhibiting aggressive and violent behavior to resolve problems; they witness men barely able to control their sexual desires as they pursue women; they hardly see men who feel sad or vulnerable.

In short, teenage boys are bombarded with images of men as “damaged and damage-doing,”¹ and are imposed with “notions of misogyny and homophobia”² consistently throughout their development.

Interestingly, boys do not typically accept these stereotypes of manhood. When researchers have polled boys individually, they have found that the majority are actually resistant to and even resentful of these stereotypic portrayals.³ In fact, boys as young as 10 and 11 years old are able to detect and even articulate the negative implications of masculine bravado for their social and emotional lives.^4,5

That is the good news.

The not-so-good news is that these portrayals of manhood have become nearly universal, and so they impose themselves on young boys with considerable frequency during their key developmental years.

What does this mean for your boy?

A growing body of scientific literature shows that the typical teenage boy finds himself in a delicate balance of “resistance and accommodation” to hyper-masculine stereotypes.³ Although boys are resistant to many of the negative and stereotypic portrayals of manhood, they feel significant expectations and even pressure to accommodate them because violating these stereotypes can lead to social isolation.

Research shows that there are distinct risks to this balancing act. As boys increasingly conform to hyper-masculine stereotypes, or even just feel greater pressure to do so, they are more at risk for a number of difficulties:

• Mental health challenges like depression and anxiety. Broadcasting a tough-guy image can prevent boys from expressing feelings like sadness, which can be perceived as a weakness. It also prevents boys from asking for help when they feel depressed, anxious, or lonely. The statistical link between hypermasculinity and depression is one of the most consistent in the research on boys and masculinity.³
• Interpersonal difficulties. The bravado and individualistic standard of many male stereotypes can undermine boys’ friendships, which thrive on emotional connection and communication. Research has shown that early on in their youth, boys see intimate friendships as an essential part of life, but as they get older, their friendships become more distant and less fulfilling.⁶ Having close male friends can elicit others’ perceptions of them as feminine, leading many boys to disengage somewhat from their closest friendships.⁷
• Academic challenges. Many stereotypes about men suggest that status and achievement should be effortless and natural for a “real man.” This may translate to the classroom, where some boys perceive working hard in school to be uncool.⁸ Furthermore, when boys do struggle in their classes, they are much less likely to ask for help from teachers or counselors.⁹

What are positive alternatives?

Many families and cultures position manhood with more positive possibilities. These "positive masculinities" include and emphasize looking out for others, care and sensitivity, displaying fairness and equity, and practicing individual responsibility and respect for others. Parents and caregivers can help present boys with these positive alternatives. Here are some evidence-based suggestions:

• Caregivers can prioritize healthy and emotionally-intimate relationships with their boys. This is particularly true of male caregivers, such as fathers and grandfathers. Research has shown that boys often reference their relationship with their male caregivers to know how to act with other boys and men.¹⁰ Male caregivers can be very effective models when they display affection, emotional literacy, and sensitivity in their relationship with their own boys.

• Caregivers can mediate mainstream portrayals of men. To a degree, this can include regulating a boy’s media consumption to reduce exposure to extremely negative portrayals of manhood. However, exposure will happen regardless of parental control efforts. Here, caregivers can take advantage of opportunities to view media alongside their boys, where they can comment on negative portrayals of manhood, while reinforcing examples of positive male behavior. This can also provide a model to follow when boys are exposed to masculine portrayals in your absence.
• Caregivers can be mindful of their own language around their boys. Phrases like “be a man,” “toughen up,” and “don’t be a girl” can be common in our vernacular. Even when caregivers do not direct this language at their own boys, boys will overhear it. In this setting, these types of phrases can still communicate to boys that they should embrace stoicism, devalue certain emotions, and elevate potentially aversive behaviors like aggression.

Masculinity is not inherently toxic, but common and familiar portrayals of manhood are. Such portrayals place pressure on boys to broadcast invulnerability in a way that can lead to difficulties. They also reinforce negative stereotypes about boys as being socially and emotionally "basic." In truth, boys are complex human beings, and caregivers may be better equipped to support their boys when they are more aware of the stereotypes they must routinely navigate.