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I was sitting by the indoor lap pool, waiting for a lane to open. (Usually at this pool there are just single swimmers in each lane.) Not more than three minutes passed when a woman in one of the lanes invited me to share her lane. What struck me was not only her unsolicited kindness, but the open-hearted appreciation I felt for hours afterwards, that made me want to return the kindness and pass it to someone else through my actions in some way. Her kindness felt contagious, and I wanted to spread it. Weeks later, I was with my 20-something niece and we stopped in a convenience store off the highway. She was taken by the kindness of one of the workers in the store and had a very similar experience, feeling filled up with warmth by the small kindness of another and a strong desire to express that kindness to others.
In a world where there is so much divisiveness, hate, and negativity, it is reassuring to know that kindness contagion is a real thing. In a 2016 study in Scientific American, researchers found that participants of a study were willing to donate the bonus money they received for their participation much more generously when they believed that previous people in the study did the same (versus a comparison group in which participants were led to believe the previous cohort was stingier). Even more interesting, these researchers found that kindness spreads a kind of positivity that can transcend beyond the initial situation. When participants of another study observed others donating generously, they were inclined to write more caring, empathic, and supportive notes to a pen pal going through ups and downs when given the opportunity to do so, versus those who observed more stingy behavior.
UCLA’s Bedari Kindness Institute has also conducted research which supports the idea of kindness contagion. For example, participants who watched a viral video of a man acting generously and kindly as he goes through his day donated more of the money they received from the study compared to participants who watched a video of someone doing athletic stunts.
Why might kindness be contagious?
In a pilot study of parents and staff in a pediatric setting waiting room, those who watched kindness-inspired videos (compared to those who were exposed to children’s commercials) reported an increase in happiness, calmness, gratitude and generosity. The authors of this study suggest that these emotions could then have an important ripple effect, inspiring more prosocial behaviors on the part of those observing the kindness videos.
The warm-hearted feeling in my body that I and my niece felt, and the accompanying elevated emotions we experienced, were likely not only psychological in nature, but also were accompanied by very real bodily changes. When we experience kindness, it can cause physiological changes in our body: Blood pressure and cortisol can decrease (dialing down our stress response), and serotonin and dopamine levels can increase. (These are neurotransmitters that play a role in activating the pleasure/reward centers of the brain.) Additionally oxytocin levels may increase. (Oxytocin is an important hormone that, among other things, contributes to feelings of connection and well-being.)
These physiological changes involve a dialing down of our stress response, and when we are not in a state of stress or “threat” we have more access to our social engagement system, through which we can experience greater connection, care and compassion. It makes sense that when our nervous system is in a state of safety and connection (such as from the kindness shown to us by another), we would be more inclined to reach out to others in prosocial ways.
10 ways to spread kindness and make it contagious
Acts of kindness don't have to be extraordinary. Here are a few simple ways to spread kindness:
- Surprise someone. Do something unexpected for someone such as a family member’s chore, drop off flowers for a friend, pay for the person in line behind you, or make a family member breakfast in bed.
- Uplift someone. Show someone their strengths by telling a coworker, family member, or customer service worker something they are doing well.
- Help someone. Offer to carry someone’s groceries, take out a neighbor’s trash, or give a coworker a ride.
- Smile at someone. I have been amazed how this simple gesture of connection has so much impact on my mood as the recipient, whether from a stranger or someone I know.
- Leave a note for someone. Write on a restaurant napkin how awesome the service was; leave an affectionate note for your child or partner; or email someone who gave a talk you enjoyed and let them know.
- Encourage someone. Cheer on a runner, tell someone “you’ve got this," or send a card to someone who’s sick.
- Reach out to someone. Call or text someone who might really appreciate hearing from you or who you know is lonely; check in on a neighbor, or email an old friend that you are thinking of them.
- Leave something for someone. Some flowers or home baked goods on the doorstep; a small gift for someone to discover; or something you no longer need that someone else can have for free.
- Acknowledge someone. Let someone know how much you appreciate them; say a hearty hello to a passerby; or greet your bank teller by name and ask how they are.
- Invite someone to sit at your table in the cafeteria, take your seat on the bus, or join you for a holiday meal.
Now, more than ever, we can be a light in the darkness, spreading kindness and letting others “catch” it. It doesn’t take much to uplift someone else, change their physiology for the better, or make your kindness contagious and create ripple effects that travel far beyond what you might even imagine.
