Verified by 
Forgiveness
Dealing With Skeletons in the Closet
Are you keeping a haunting dark secret?
Posted September 20, 2019 Reviewed by Ekua Hagan
As you experience life, you come across unpleasant situations – some are self-inflicted, and some just happen to you. Talking about these situations can be hard, and often the situations become secrets you hope to take with you to the grave. The dark side of this is that these situations become skeletons in the closet, and they can haunt you from time to time.
Dark secrets can take a toll on your mental health, mostly because you associate every negative experience with the wrong choices you made in the past. The hardest part about it is that because you are the author of these terrible choices, forgiving yourself can be difficult, and before you know it, you become a victim of masochism.
Most people have a dark secret they cannot share with their family or friends. Sometimes these situations have long passed, but they leave a dark mark on the conscience. Dark secrets can lead to depression, anxiety, and in the worst-case scenario, they lead to suicidal thoughts.
As humans, we are social beings; we need to interact with other humans positively, and hence, dark secrets are perceived as a threat to social acceptance. This leads to the fear of being segregated or judged by society because of the wrong choices you have made. No one should ever have to live on the edge of their seat because of fear of being a social outcast.
Ways to deal with dark secrets
If you are reading this, you may be keeping a dark secret that you have not told a soul. If it’s eating away at your peace of mind, you have to cope with the anxiety that comes with trying to hide your secret. Personally, I do not recommend keeping a big secret at the cost of your mental health. You have to deal with it one way or another.
1. Accept that it happened.
Accepting reality, especially when it is ugly, is hard for everyone. Replaying how you could have possibly done things differently, or how things should have played out differently, does not help improve your situation. It is important for you to accept that things happened the way they did, and you are where you are today.
Accepting something that you cannot change does not mean you should pretend it never happened. Pushing things to the back of your head doesn’t make them disappear.
2. Make peace with what happened.
As a follow-up to accepting what has happened, making peace with your situation or past situation is a vital step for acceptance. Making peace with what has happened may involve having to replay the situation in your mind, dissecting every piece, and analyzing these pieces.
This is not to make you blame yourself or crucify yourself for what has happened. To do this, you may want to look at things from a different point of view, look at the situation as if it is not your situation and honestly analyze it from a neutral perspective. The point of this exercise is to learn what you need to learn from the situation.
3. Embrace what happened.
You are human; you will make good choices just as much as you will make bad ones. Consequences will have to be dealt with, and it is very normal. Every adversity has a gift that comes with it. This gift could be a lesson to learn and sometimes an opportunity to see life from a different perspective.
You can never see the gift that comes with this situation until you embrace it and ask yourself, "What can I take from this situation?"
4. Express your emotions.
When I was young, I found it hard to share things I felt were embarrassing about me. Although it was often silly little things, like crushes I had on certain people, I found comfort in writing my thoughts down. Feelings are meant to be expressed, and that is the only way you can deal with them.
If the secret you hold is too heavy to share with someone, try writing your thoughts and feelings down. If you are afraid that your written thoughts and feelings may somehow land in the hands of someone, write them down and burn the piece of paper. This allows you to somewhat let out the emotions trapped inside you.
There are other ways you can express your emotions; It could be through dancing or music. Whatever the case might be, express those emotions. Do not confuse this with activities that suppress emotions. The goal is to let it all out so you can let it go.
5. Forgive yourself or the person who caused the situation.
Forgiveness is the true essence of letting go of things and people you cannot change. If you cannot forgive yourself for making the wrong choice, you may find yourself in a prison of your own creation.
One way you can forgive yourself is by performing acts of self-love. Simple things like taking good care of yourself mentally and physically will help you realize that despite your situation you are a valuable being, and you are not defined by the bad things that happen to you or the poor choices you make.
6. Promise yourself to move on.
It’s OK to give yourself a period to grieve, but after a while, you need to move on, and you should. If you are struggling to move on from the situation, it is OK to seek the counsel of a professional therapist.
If your dark secret is because of your poor choices, learn from your mistakes. This means that going forward, you will have to put more thought into the things you say and do. You are not defined by your mistakes and never will be. Every day is a new day and a new opportunity to start afresh, so take back your power.
