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The Tools

Transform your problems into courage, confidence, and creativity.

Diet
The Body in Summer

Phil Stutz and Barry Michels on June 26, 2012

We live in a consumer culture that defines everything as a product. This even applies to the seasons of the year. Summer is sold to us as a time when we can shed the responsibilities and pressures we normally bear. But there’s something else we shed for the summer – our clothes. And for many of us this is a humiliating experience.

We live in a consumer culture that defines everything as a product. This even applies to the seasons of the year. Summer is sold to us as a time when we can shed the responsibilities and pressures we normally bear. But there’s something else we shed for the summer – our clothes. And for many of us this is a humiliating experience.

Self-Control
Willpower

Phil Stutz and Barry Michels on June 19, 2012

Remember Vinny? He was the stand-up comic introduced in an earlier blog: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-tools/201205/dying-laugh. Vinny was so scared of asking for help he hid in the minor leagues of comedy. Using the Reversal of Desire, he learned to conquer avoidance and take his career to a whole new level. After that...

Remember Vinny? He was the stand-up comic introduced in an earlier blog: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-tools/201205/dying-laugh. Vinny was so scared of asking for help he hid in the minor leagues of comedy. Using the Reversal of Desire, he learned to conquer avoidance and take his career to a whole new level. After that...

Bullying
What Drives a Kid to Bully

Phil Stutz and Barry Michels on June 12, 2012

Recently I saw the heartbreaking documentary “Bully.” The film tells the stories of five children, ranging in age from 11 to 17, who are harassed physically and emotionally. In two cases the abuse was so bad it drove the children to commit suicide. When I left the theater, I couldn’t stop thinking about the film.

Recently I saw the heartbreaking documentary “Bully.” The film tells the stories of five children, ranging in age from 11 to 17, who are harassed physically and emotionally. In two cases the abuse was so bad it drove the children to commit suicide. When I left the theater, I couldn’t stop thinking about the film.

Deception
The Parent Trap

Phil Stutz and Barry Michels on June 7, 2012

Every morning Marcie would repeatedly tell her 6-year-old son Evan to get dressed for school. And every morning she would walk into his room to find Evan lying half-naked on the floor, one unlaced shoe on, daydreaming. What was his problem?

Every morning Marcie would repeatedly tell her 6-year-old son Evan to get dressed for school. And every morning she would walk into his room to find Evan lying half-naked on the floor, one unlaced shoe on, daydreaming. What was his problem?

Confidence
Real Authority

Phil Stutz and Barry Michels on June 5, 2012

In my last post (#10 The Shadow) I described the expressive power you unleash when you form a bond with your Shadow. The next step is to learn how to form that bond and how that act forms the basis of a tool that will bring you confidence when you most need it.

In my last post (#10 The Shadow) I described the expressive power you unleash when you form a bond with your Shadow. The next step is to learn how to form that bond and how that act forms the basis of a tool that will bring you confidence when you most need it.

Confidence
The Shadow

Phil Stutz and Barry Michels on May 31, 2012

You may be lonely, but you are never alone. Inside each of us is a second self, another being.

You may be lonely, but you are never alone. Inside each of us is a second self, another being.

Career
Writer's Block

Phil Stutz and Barry Michels on May 29, 2012

I see a lot of writers in my practice and every one of them has gotten blocked at one time or another. It isn’t hard to figure out why. Imagine sitting in a room by yourself trying to create a whole new world populated with entertaining and original characters. Now imagine doing it day after day. It’s lonely, difficult work.

I see a lot of writers in my practice and every one of them has gotten blocked at one time or another. It isn’t hard to figure out why. Imagine sitting in a room by yourself trying to create a whole new world populated with entertaining and original characters. Now imagine doing it day after day. It’s lonely, difficult work.

Gratitude
Talk About the War

Phil Stutz and Barry Michels on May 24, 2012

I could tell Elizabeth was a worrier before she opened her mouth: she had a haunted look and wrung her hands together so compulsively I thought the skin would come off.

I could tell Elizabeth was a worrier before she opened her mouth: she had a haunted look and wrung her hands together so compulsively I thought the skin would come off.

Fear
Profiles in Courage

Phil Stutz and Barry Michels on May 22, 2012

I’ve never understood why psychotherapy doesn’t deal with courage. Ask anybody what qualities they’d like more of and courage will be high up the list. Yet, like the rest of us, therapists tend to see courage as some sort of mythic power.

I’ve never understood why psychotherapy doesn’t deal with courage. Ask anybody what qualities they’d like more of and courage will be high up the list. Yet, like the rest of us, therapists tend to see courage as some sort of mythic power.

Relationships
Design for Loving

Phil Stutz and Barry Michels on May 17, 2012

Amanda was a fashionista, struggling to launch her own clothing line. In her early 20s, razor-thin, and strikingly dressed, she certainly looked the part.

In business Amanda was, in her own words, “a killer,” with a strong sense of entitlement; the sort of patient who is surprised when I ask her not to take calls on her cellphone during a session. Unfortunately...

Amanda was a fashionista, struggling to launch her own clothing line. In her early 20s, razor-thin, and strikingly dressed, she certainly looked the part.

In business Amanda was, in her own words, “a killer,” with a strong sense of entitlement; the sort of patient who is surprised when I ask her not to take calls on her cellphone during a session. Unfortunately...

Career
Dying for a Laugh

Phil Stutz and Barry Michels on May 15, 2012

Vinny was loud and caustic; a stand-up comic who, as he boasted, “put his balls on the line” every night in front of total strangers. I would never have pegged him for an avoider, but in his first session I quickly realized he’d elevated it to a new level.

Vinny was loud and caustic; a stand-up comic who, as he boasted, “put his balls on the line” every night in front of total strangers. I would never have pegged him for an avoider, but in his first session I quickly realized he’d elevated it to a new level.

Fear
Through the Pain Barrier

Phil Stutz and Barry Michels on May 10, 2012

Avoiding pain wouldn’t be a problem if we all did it once or twice a year. But we do it all the time, hiding behind the Pain Barrier in our individual Comfort Zones and crippling our own lives. A few rare individuals refuse to live in this limited way. Their secret is an ability to...

Avoiding pain wouldn’t be a problem if we all did it once or twice a year. But we do it all the time, hiding behind the Pain Barrier in our individual Comfort Zones and crippling our own lives. A few rare individuals refuse to live in this limited way. Their secret is an ability to...

Mating
The Tools

Phil Stutz and Barry Michels on May 1, 2012

There’s always a first time. The first time a patient in pain is sitting in front of you and you come up empty, with nothing to offer.

Her name was Roberta and her problem was an all too common one. She’d fallen head over heels for a guy at work. They’d started dating and were already talking about moving in together. Everything was fine—except for one small detail...

There’s always a first time. The first time a patient in pain is sitting in front of you and you come up empty, with nothing to offer.

Her name was Roberta and her problem was an all too common one. She’d fallen head over heels for a guy at work. They’d started dating and were already talking about moving in together. Everything was fine—except for one small detail...