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Adolescence
How to Find a Therapist for Your Teenager
And how to talk to your teen about the decision to begin counseling.
Updated June 16, 2023 Reviewed by Devon Frye
Key points
- You can find a therapist via the Directory, referrals, insurance panels, and advocacy groups.
- Consider credentials, experience, and confidentiality, among other factors.
- When talking to adolescents about the decision to begin therapy, focus on context rather than faults.
For parents worried about their teeanger’s mental health, the prospect of finding help can be confusing and overwhelming. But treatment is available, and finding therapy is often the first step toward helping your teen move forward. Here’s how to get started.
Making the Decision to Begin Therapy
It can be difficult to distinguish typical adolescent behavior from potential mental health challenges. A helpful distinction, and one that diagnoses often hinge on, is whether emotional, behavioral, or social difficulties impair a child’s schooling, relationships, or home life.
For example, one teen might stop going to class. Another may stop seeing friends and begin to isolate. Another may start sleeping all the time or be unable to fall asleep. In these cases, it’s worth seeking therapy. Even if changes don’t appear severe, they can snowball over time, because adolescence is a critical period of development. Intervening early is key.
“Most people bring their kids to therapy when they’re at DEFCON 1,” says psychologist Mitch Prinstein, Ph.D., chief science officer at the American Psychological Association. “It’s akin to bringing a child to the doctor with a fever of 101 as they’re coughing up blood. It’s better to go to the doctor with a sniffle and slight fever.”
Where to Find a Therapist
There are several ways to find a therapist for your teenager. One is through directories. The Psychology Today Therapy Directory lists credentialed therapists for children and adolescents that can be filtered by location and specialty, such as ADHD or anxiety.
Parents can solicit referrals from friends, family members, and the family doctor. It may feel uncomfortable to have these conversations at first, but learning how others navigated similar situations can be validating and informative.
Seeking resources and recommendations from your teen’s school is another pathway, although some adolescents want to avoid counseling at school to keep their decision to go to therapy private.
Insurance companies may have lists of providers as well. Now that mental health treatment has shifted online due to the pandemic, you can expand your search for providers throughout the state, and sometimes out of state as well.
Another idea is to explore organizations for specific conditions. If your child is exhibiting all the hallmark symptoms of a particular disorder, or if he or she already received a diagnosis, finding a relevant advocacy group can lead to resources, specialists, and community.
Factors to Consider When Choosing a Therapist
There are many elements to consider when selecting a therapist—and it takes time and work to do it. Parents should aim to be smart consumers: Make sure that the therapist is credentialed and licensed, and ask about their training and experience.
Some specific questions to ask might include, “What is your approach to therapy?” “What orientations are you trained in?” “What would a potential treatment plan look like?” “How will progress be measured?” “What has been the outcome for other teeangers you’ve treated for this condition?”
Parents should also establish clear expectations about confidentiality, says clinical psychologist Sharon Saline, Psy.D. A parent might ask, “What are your boundaries around confidentiality?” “Will you consult with us at all and if so how?” “What role will family play in the therapy?” Incorporating the family’s perspective can be valuable in addressing dynamics that influence mental health. “The teen is not growing up in a petri dish,” Saline says.
Above all else, the provider should be trained in approaches that are proven to reduce a child’s distress. The Society of Clinical Child & Adolescent Psychology’s EffectiveChildTherapy.org lists disorders and their corresponding evidence-based treatments.
In addition to clinical expertise, ask your teenager if they have preferences about the therapist's gender, age, and race. It can be helpful to select a few candidates and then allow the adolescent to choose who they feel most comfortable with. The relationship between the therapist and patient is key to effective treatment, so take the time to choose a good fit.
Talking to Your Teen about the Decision to Begin Therapy
Some adolescents may be eager to begin therapy, while others may be hesitant or resistant. When broaching the topic, avoid stigmatizing or blaming the child, implying that their difficulties are due to something wrong with them, Prinstein says. A less threatening framework is to explain that people all live in a context, not a vacuum, and that what’s happening in their life may be due to a mismatch between who they are and their environment. Maybe what was working previously stopped working due to a change, such as a divorce, a move, or, of course, a pandemic. Another framing option is that therapy can help the family learn to work better together—a family tune up, Saline says.
It’s also key for teenagers to have a sense of control—especially because parents and teachers often initiate the process. “You should give your teen control whenever you can,” says Lea Lis, M.D., a child and adult psychiatrist. “With children, it’s a benevolent dictatorship. With teenagers, it’s a democracy.”
You can ask your teenager to pick the therapist they like from a few candidates. Explain that they can set the topic and bring up anything they want to share. Mention that therapy isn’t forever—it may just be for a few months. Says Prinstein: “Just like you go to soccer practice for soccer, we’re going to work on feelings for 12 weeks, and you’re going to leave much closer to being an expert.”
Preparing for the First Session
Before the first session, take time to explain what your teen should expect. The process will likely begin with some type of assessment phase. This may involve a questionnaire, an interview, or tests on the computer.
In session, there will be times when they are participating directly, answering questions or sharing their experiences. There may be times when the therapist and parent will meet, with or without the teenager present, to learn about the family environment and see it through another pair of eyes.
Parents may also want to set the expectation that the process can take time to get used to. “The first session can be a little awkward,” Saline says. But with time, teeangers often feel comfortable sharing how they really feel.
As therapy moves forward, adolescents should know that they can help shape the process. “Kids get to have a say,” Prinstein says. “Empower them to speak up.”
LinkedIn image: Prostock-studio/Shutterstock
