Verified by 
Key points
- Identifying the origins of our inner critic allows us to challenge negative thoughts.
- Introjection is often the source of negative self-talk. When understood, the voice often quiets.
- A simple CBT tool can help you dispute internal "fake news."
Sarah, a very successful startup co-founder, was burned out. When she came to my office, she explained that she had been overpromising work and accepting unrealistically early deadlines. For Sarah, declining any kind of client request was the same as saying, “I am a disappointment.”
Jessica, a hardworking grad student, always felt she could do better and told herself she was lazy, fat, stupid, and frequently just “bad.” Despite being her high school valedictorian, a magna cum laude undergraduate, and enrolled in a prestigious Ph.D. program, Jessica’s inner monologue was the source of anxiety, depression, and disordered eating.
To help clients like Sarah and Jessica end punishing cycles of self-hatred, I listen closely to word choices and encourage people to get curious about what their inner voices sound like. Like many people I work with, these women had inner critics that created a very unhealthy sense of self. Psychoanalytic theory calls these voices “introjects.” I call them “fake news”!
Introjection, a Freudian defense mechanism, occurs when a person, often as a child, internalizes projected feelings, beliefs, and attitudes of critical or rejecting parents—so much so that they begin to identify with the negative introjects on an unconscious level as part of their self-image.
Having a strong inner critic can lead to depression and other mental health issues because the "fake news" voice feels true. Listening closely to the language the inner critic uses can help establish the origin of the debilitating thoughts. Labeling these voices as "fake news" is a simple tool to remind oneself that our inner critic sounds and feels factual, but is not.
Internal negative chatter can feel like a productive part of our psyche, a coach or taskmaster who keeps us hard-working or physically fit, for example. It could seem like our lives will unravel if we quiet these voices, but if we have compassion for the ways the introjects maladaptively try to help us, we can more easily redirect our thoughts.
Research suggests that there are several ways to manage these introjects. Here’s one method I use to help clients manage their “fake news.”
The Automatic Thought Record
Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) provides this deceptively simple tool. The client looks for evidence for and against the automatic critical voice, almost like a lawyer looking for the truth. Here's how it works:
1. Identify.
The first step is to train yourself, through repetition and practice, to catch the debilitating "fake news" thoughts as they happen. For example, “I’m a disappointment” can be challenged by just recognizing the thought as recurrent or pervasive. Then you can reflect on the origins of that feeling state—for example, the feedback from parents or other authority figures you received as a child.
I asked Sarah to tell me about her childhood relationship with disappointment. At first, she reported only that her brother had mentioned his fear of disappointing her father while growing up.
But as we dug deeper, she explained that although her parents never directly said she and her brother were disappointments, they projected unspoken disappointment, which both children felt. With a bit of encouragement, Sarah then recalled that her mother seemed disappointed when she elected to spend time with her friend group instead of with her mother during her teen years.
Jessica and I challenged her “I’m lazy and fat” fake news by working to identify when the thoughts originated. Jessica recalled her mother telling anyone who would listen that if she had worked harder, she would have had a perfect SAT score. Her father always pinched her belly in elementary school, implying that she needed to lose weight.
2. Fact-check.
After you catch the automatic thought, you need to examine the evidence. Is it true that your decision to skip the 500-mile journey to your cousin’s baby shower is an act of selfishness? Or is the impulse to decline the invitation—what your automatic thoughts are calling “selfish”—the voice of your wiser, caregiving self?
Nearly all the time, the evidence against the negative thought vastly outweighs the evidence for it. Think like a lawyer: "Is there any evidence that I’m lazy given how hard I work?"
3. Rewrite.
In my practice, I give people a piece of paper with columns on it. When they have a negative thought, they write it down and look objectively at the evidence for and against the automatic negative thought.
Over time, our brains start to automatically call out the self-flagellating thoughts and replace them with more accurate self-assessments. For example: “I’m respectful of other people’s time, but my time is also important.” Or “Self-care is not selfish, so I am not a disappointment.” Or “Just because I missed exercise this week, doesn’t mean I’m unlovable or lazy.”
By recognizing the unspoken judgment she grew up with, Sarah distanced herself from the message she internalized and subconsciously believed to be a fact. The constant thought of disappointing her clients became “fake news” to her, and she eased up on her overworking.
Jessica had vivid recollections of her parents' judgmental and harsh criticism of both her and her sister. She even wrote a YouTube “top ten” of her fake news bulletins and shared it with all her friends. By confessing to her internal fake news out loud, she was further able to change the channel.
References
