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Key points
- Worry has a negative effect on mental health even when it seems justified by serious real-life problems.
- Focus on your current experience of the worry-related problem rather than future worst-case possibilities.
- Be specific in identifying an aspect of the current problem for your problem-oriented intervention.
- By taking a problem-solving approach to your real-life problem, you counter the drift into imaginative worry.
Part II in a series. Read Part I here.
Over 90 percent of our worries may never come true, even for chronic worriers.1
This is wonderful news, except if you’re like Jenna, whose worry was caused by many real-life problems. Her life feels overwhelming, with primary responsibility for two difficult teenage sons, financial hardship, and an estranged relationship with her spouse.
She’s working two part-time jobs, which means the boys have too much time on their own. Her oldest son, Jayden, is turning 16 and showing signs of defiance. His school attendance is erratic, he’s hanging out with a rough group of neighborhood boys, and he often comes home very late at night. He is uncooperative and belligerent at home. Jenna tried to talk to Jayden, but his anger frightens her. Jenna is worried sick. What if Jayden starts hanging out with a more violent street gang? What if he gets caught up in criminal activity? He then starts a life of crime, with no education, no work skills, and probably addicted to alcohol and drugs. He could end up on the street, homeless.
Jenna’s worry is not simply the product of a dark imagination. Rather, she has every right to be worried about Jayden.
There are times when worry seems justified. You’re facing a serious problem such as a life-threatening illness, unemployment, intimate relationship breakup, or the like. Under these circumstances, failure to worry seems irresponsible. But worry undermines effective coping and amplifies emotional distress even when caused by real-world problems. Fortunately, you can alleviate the harmful effects of worry regardless of its source.
Be Present-Minded
Worry is what if thinking about the future. Even when the worry is about a real-life problem, like Jenna’s worry about Jayden, your worried mind will naturally drift toward imagining the worst possible outcome. Jenna imagined Jayden dropping out of school, getting addicted to hard drugs, and becoming a juvenile delinquent. The warning signs were everywhere, and he clearly was spiraling out of control. Do you have a worst-case scenario you keep thinking about when reminded of your problem?
When spiraling down the “worry wormhole,” telling yourself to stop worrying is useless. Instead, shift your focus to the present and your current experience of the problem. For Jenna, that meant staying focused on Jayden’s current problems rather than imagining where he might end up. Several issues came to mind, like improving Jayden’s school attendance, increasing the level of adult supervision, and dealing with his combative attitude at home. What are you currently facing with the real-life problem that has you worried? Rather than focus on what could happen, what is happening right now in the present moment?
Take a Problem-Focused Approach
The most effective way to stem worry about real-life difficulties is to become a problem-solver. Whatever the problem, you just can’t ignore it or will it away. Worrying about a problem rarely solves anything because you get stuck on the “what ifs” and become overwhelmed with emotional distress. So, the best approach is to take control and focus on how to deal with the present-day expression of the problem. There are several steps to the problem-focused approach to worry. (For further details, see The Anxiety and Worry Workbook.2)
Step 1. Define the Problem: Start by determining which aspect of the present-day problem should be the focus of your efforts. Select a part of the problem where you have most control to influence a desired outcome. Jenna decided that she’d work on increasing the amount of adult supervision after school and Jayden’s poor school attendance. She had more control over these issues than trying to direct who his friends should be or forcing him to be more civil and respectful at home. Where’s the best place to start working on the problem that has you worried?
Step 2. Brainstorm Possibilities: Now it’s time to be creative. Write out a list of all possible options for dealing with the problem: the good, the bad, and the downright ridiculous. Don’t do any evaluation at this point, just write down everything that comes to your mind. When Jenna thought about options for dealing with the unsupervised hours, she could quit one of her part-time jobs, have her mother cover the unsupervised hours, hire a sitter, etc.
Step 3. Evaluate the Possibilities: Once you’ve created a list of possibilities, review the list and think deeply about the advantages and disadvantages of each possibility. You may need help with the evaluation since it’s hard to think broadly when you're so immersed in a problem. Also, some disadvantages may be so significant that you immediately discount that possibility. For Jenna, reducing her employment to deal with Jayden’s supervision needs would cause a financial catastrophe.
Step 4. Develop and Evaluate an Action Plan: Once you’ve decided on the best response to the problem, write out a specific action plan. Include enough detail so you know exactly what to do, when, and where. Action plans need to be targeted and specific to be effective. Jenna wrote out an action plan for Jayden’s supervision after school. She would speak to her manager about rearranging her work hours, her mother could offer a few hours of supervision during the week, and she’d look into some after-school organized sports. After making these changes, Jenna kept a record of Jayden’s time at home to see if it improved.
Conclusion
Most often, we worry about terrible possibilities that never materialize. But there are times when our worries stem from real-life problems that can’t be ignored. Nevertheless, even these “justified worries” can have a serious negative effect on our mental health. Shifting our focus to the present manifestation of the problem and then using the problem-solving approach to deal with specific aspects of the problem can improve our sense of control over the problem, which, in turn, counters uncontrolled worry.
References
1. LaFreniereL. S. & Newman, M. G. (2020). Exposing worry’s deceit: Percentage of untrue worries in generalized anxiety disorder treatment. Behavior Therapy, 51, 413-423.
2. Clark, D. A. & Beck, A. T. (2023). The Anxiety and Worry Workbook: The Cognitive Behavioral Solution (2nd ed.). New York: Guilford Press.
