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Key points
- Feeling bad after your team loses is natural and signifies how much your team means to you. That is a good thing.
- The feelings from a loss will dissipate with time. Give yourself time to process and avoid watching shots of the game; it increases the sadness.
- Enjoy the entertainment provided by the sport and the general display of skill, athleticism, and coaching.
My team lost this weekend. It was extremely disappointing.
Of course, three other teams lost this weekend in the second round of the NFL playoffs, and six other teams lost last weekend in the first round. Of course, eighteen teams did not even make it to the playoffs.
Now four teams advance to the Championship round en route to the Super Bowl, and before all is done, three more teams will lose. That is a lot of loss. That is a lot of sad fans. Psychological science provides valuable insights into why it feels so bad and some of the ways we can make ourselves feel better.
First, some perspective. Whereas for many diehard fans, a loss in the playoffs feels horrible – devastating, tragic, and more – the last three years of the pandemic remind us of what real devastation is. The loss of loved ones, an overworked health care system with exhausted providers, an education system with exhausted teachers and students, and a significant change in what was once normal social life.
Sure, a loss is bad, but let’s remember that the sport (like many) provides us with entertainment and a great distraction from the turmoil of the pandemic. There is still another round of the playoffs and the battle for the Lombardi trophy to turn your attention to. Yes, a little more short-term distraction from daily strife and a classic example of emotion-focused coping is not a bad thing.
Second, savor the power of fandom and the underlying reasons why a loss feels so bad and a victory so good. Humans beings get a lot from group membership. A group provides identity, and to build that identity and celebrate it. We get team merchandise and paraphernalia. Seeing the symbols and colors of our team around us gives us a connection to that team and all others flying the same flag.
There are "us" and "them." The Chiefs or Bengals fans, the Packers or the Rams fans. The magic of group identity is that we feel a sense of support and togetherness. Furthermore, we feel our group is better than the other group, making us feel better about ourselves.
We often bask in reflected glory. When our team wins a game, a divisional title, or the Super Bowl, we feel like we have won. By the same token, when our team loses, we feel like we have lost even though we try to distance ourselves from the loss—fans will often say “The Packers lost on Saturday” versus “We lost on Saturday,” even though most would say “We won” after a loss (and not “The Packers won.”).
A detailed study of the New Orleans Saints and their effects on the social identity of the fan base on the city shows the positive effects of fandom (Burns, 2014). These feelings are exacerbated with the rise of fantasy football, wherein many ways where fans are can be seen as imaginary managers of players (Gilbert, 2018).
Even more fascinating is that this sense of group belonging can be brought about in very simple ways. In a classic study in social psychology, Henri Tajfel and experimenters told participants to try and guess the number of dots on a sheet. Half the group was told that they were over-estimators.
The other half were told they were under-estimators. The participants were divided into groups based on their estimating skills (and the false feedback) and then completed various further tasks in these new groups.
They also rated their group members and the other group members. Even though they were formed into groups completely arbitrarily, they felt an affinity for their group and rated their group better than the others.
It is no surprise that you think someone else wearing your team’s colors is better than a person wearing the colors of an opponent’s team.
Not surprisingly, how bad you feel after a loss depends on what sort of fan you are. Sure, fair-weather fans who only support the team when they are winning may not feel as bad. Diehard fans who have a set of superstitious behaviors they always follow before each game and watch every minute of each game clearly will feel worse after a loss. But there is more nuance.
Norris and colleagues (2015) studied a group of fans called "maximizers" who care more about being the best fans than following the best teams. Maximizers identity more with their teams if they were historically unsuccessful (e.g., Bengals/Rams).
So it is only natural to feel bad. Like any other disappointment, there are some key ways to help yourself feel better. As difficult as it may be to hear, time can make the difference. Even a day after my teams’ loss, I do not feel as bad. With all-powerful emotions but anger and disappointment, the feelings change if you give yourself the time.
You may need to stay away from social media that critiques the loss if it makes you think about it more. That said, you may enjoy the perspective that different game analyses may bring, and the chuckle that many of the loss memes provide should not be understated.
If you are an ardent fan of the game and enjoy and appreciate the orchestration of skill, coaching, physical and psychological differences, and perhaps even the number crunching (the NFL now has statistics on the likelihood of near every play succeeding), one way to cope is turning towards the next stage.
This week enjoy wondering who will win the championship round. Perhaps watch highlights of your team's best plays of the season or that Hail Mary pass that won the game from a few years back.
Next week, flex your predictive skills in figuring out the Super Bowl winner. After the Lombardi trophy is hoisted again, enjoy thinking about your own team’s efforts for the next season. Yes, it is a long time till the next playoffs if your team lost this weekend or this year, but celebrate the sport. This last weekends’ games sure gave the fan a lot to enjoy.
Look forward to more of the same in the weeks ahead, and your disappointment will soon be a thing of the past.
References
Burns, E. B. (2014). When the saints went marching in: Social identity in the world champion New Orleans Saints football team and its impact on their host city. Journal of Sport & Social Issues, 38(2), 148–163.
Gilbert, D. A. (2018). The gridiron and the gray flannel suit: NFL football and the modern U.S. workplace. Journal of Sport & Social Issues, 42(2), 132–148.
Norris, J. I., Wann, D. L., & Zapalac, R. K. (2015). Sport fan maximizing: Following the best team or being the best fan? Journal of Consumer Marketing, 32(3), 157–166.
Turner, J. C., Brown, R. J., & Tajfel, H. (1979). Social comparison and group interest in ingroup favouritism. European Journal of Social Psychology, 9(2), 187–204.
