Five Quotes to Consider on Being Alone

A little book came across my desk recently titled How to Be Alone, by Sara Maitland. It's part of "The School of Life" series, books that are a sort of self-help/philosophy amalgam.

If you're a regular reader of this blog, you probably don't need lessons in being alone. Still, in this book, Maitland provides much to mull and meditate on, as well as reassuring validation, should you need it. And if you can persuade never-alone loved ones to spend a little time with it (the ideas within just might be concrete enough for even an extroverted extrovert to engage with), they might be that much more understanding and respectful of your sometimes (often?) solitary ways, and perhaps even be inspired to dabble in solitude themselves.

Here are some quotes from the book that resonated with me:

On society's aversion to loners: "Fear muddles things up; it is difficult to think clearly when you are scared. When we are frightened we tend to project this onto other people, often as anger: anyone who seems different starts to feel threatening…At the moment a very popular media-inspired terror is the threat of the 'loner.'"

On false confidence: "Solitude can happen to anyone: we are all at risk. There is no number of friends on Facebook, contacts, connections or financial provisions that can guarantee to protect us."

On the alleged "risks" of solitude: "…being alone can be beneficial and it is certainly not detrimental to well-being, provided the individuals have freely chosen it. A good deal of the 'scientific evidence' for the danger [of solitude] to physical and mental health comes from studies of people in solitary confinement."

On acceptable vs. unacceptable solitude: "Oddly, the form of being alone which attracts the least criticism is the one that is in many ways the most dangerous: the solo adventure. It feels strange to me that people who choose to be alone in the comfort of their own house are regarded, and too often treated, as weirdos, while those who choose to be alone several thousand feet above the snowline or in a tiny boat in the middle of the Pacific Ocean are perceived as heroes."

On instilling fear of solitude: "We all know that sociability is culturally acquired: think of all the hours we put into teaching children to 'share,' not bite each other, to be grateful, to moderate and manage anger and, as they get older, to dress appropriately, not to steal or lie and to consider other people's feelings. No one expects this to come 'naturally' to children, even though we also believe that human beings are genetically programmed for group interaction, are inherently social and need, for true flourishing, both to achieve intimate one-to-one relationships and to 'win friends and influence people.' But far from putting similar efforts into encouraging children to develop a healthy capacity to be alone, or to explore what being alone means to them, and to enjoy solitude, we go to extraordinary lengths to 'protect' them from any such practice and experience."

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Check out my books, Introverts in Love: The Quiet Way to Happily Ever After; The Introverts Way: Living a Quiet Life in a Noisy World; and 100 Places in the USA Every Woman Should Go. Support your local independent bookstore; click here to find an indie near you.

Source: Sophia Dembling

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