Returning to Life after COVID-19: The Power of Appreciation

Source: Image by DanaTentis from Pixabay

“It has been such a horrendous year,” Sara, my patient and mother of four, told me. “My grandmother died, my husband lost his job, I had Covid and have lingering side effects, and I had to home school everyone. And, as you can imagine, with that thankless task, I didn’t get any respect!” she smiled.

“I felt like I’d been nursing my wounds for months. I was stuck in replaying all that went wrong. It was Covid PTSD over and over again. And then I realized that I was making it worse. Things are opening up, we are vaccinated, and I was still living in hell. And do you know what changed my perspective? It was an ice cream cone! Really. My son saw a family walking down the street, all eating ice cream cones and laughing. ‘I want ice cream. I want ice cream. Now!’ he demanded. There is something so beautiful and simple about the desires of a five-year-old.”

“OK, Come on, everyone, let’s go. Ice cream now! My taste buds haven’t come back since Covid, but seeing the kids laughing and having fun was great for my mood. And it’s summer. The enthusiasm is contagious. ‘Let’s have a party, let’s have a cookout,’ the kids started yelling.

I feel like we are returning to life despite myself. I’ve started appreciating the small things, which is making a difference. Some robins built a nest above our front door. And of course, with my negativity bias, as you call it, I worry that the birds will fly into the street and get killed. But then I stopped myself and tried one of those cognitive re-frames that you talk about. And I asked myself, Sara, can you see this from a new perspective? Ok, there is new life at my front door. I’ll take it!”

After all that we’ve been through with the pandemic, it is hard to pivot and embrace life again suddenly. What researchers call the negativity bias, the self-protective mechanism that can keep us safe from danger (and that psychologist Rick Hanson has elegantly explicated), has been on steroids. Sometimes we need to take small steps to make sure things are safe. So rather than “cannonballing” into the deep end of the pool, you may want to start by just getting your toes wet. So, as you return to the post-covid world, take it slow, one step at a time.

And as Sara realized, appreciating the simple things in life, and appreciating herself, made a huge difference.

This simple practice of appreciation might help you move back into life.

Appreciation

• Take a moment to pause, take a breath or two.
• Drop into your body, let yourself rest.
• When you are ready, think of two things that you really appreciate in life. It could be a warm sunny day, your family, the song of the birds, the smell of the flowers, the taste of an ice cream cone.
• Let yourself savor it. Let the image be as strong and concrete as possible. See the blue sky and the sunshine, see the smiles of those you love, hear the song of the birds, remember the taste of your favorite flavor of ice cream.
• When you are ready, think of two things you value about yourself.
• See if you can open to what you really, deep down, like about yourself.
• There might be some discomfort. This is not something we usually allow ourselves to think about.
• Acknowledge these good qualities, take them in, don’t push them away. Savor them.
• You aren’t saying that you are better than others or have always had these qualities.
• Think of the people who have helped you develop these qualities—your parents, teachers, friends, mentors, family, even your children.
• Send some gratitude and appreciation to those who have helped you and been kind to you.
• When we acknowledge ourselves, we acknowledge and honor those who helped us grow and develop.
• Allow yourself to appreciate them and yourself. We need each other.
• Take this in. Allow yourself to feel good about yourself, even if just for a minute. Let it soak in. It may be an entirely new experience.

In researching how the elderly have been more resilient than expected during the pandemic, social scientists have talked about “crisis competence.” In short, it is the ability to take a big perspective. They found that those who have been through hard times--World War II, the Depression, Jim Crow--understand that life can be horrible at times but that we move on. You might want to reflect on what you have learned during the pandemic that can help you move on with deeper wisdom and understanding. Write it down, and remember this when you need to get in touch with your strengths.

And let me leave you with a blessing from the meditation teacher Sharon Salzberg, “May we grow wise in this transition.”