Dating in COVID-19 Post-Restrictions

The UK government announced that all COVID-19 restrictions are lifted and it is up to the public’s common sense to make decisions about their health. Many single people endured a long lockdown in loneliness. Many are desperate to go out, embrace the world, and start dating again. But what does dating look like post-restrictions?

Dating pre-pandemic

We seem to be seeing a light at the end of the long dark tunnel, with numbers of new infections on a downward trend, but, although we are in the post-restriction phase, we are still in-pandemic.

Before the pandemic, dating was not simple. The topics of love, relationships, and sex are shrouded in myths with distorted messages, unhelpful lessons, and unrealistic goals of what a good and successful relationship "should" look like: looking young and beautiful, being successful and wealthy, always having an amazing orgasm at the same time, being the best lover at all times, having a partner who can meet all your needs intuitively, and so on. People put much pressure on themselves to attain those elusive goals that would make the "perfect" relationship.

When people date, they are looking for four important ingredients (consciously or subconsciously): They want to feel safe, they want to be looked after, they want to be autonomous and feel free, and they want to have fun. This is why finding a partner and maintaining a relationship is hard because people have to learn to navigate competing needs: wanting to feel secure in a safe relationship and wanting the novelty, fun, and freedom, as Esther Perel writes so eloquently in her book Mating In Captivity (2006).

The complexities of dating post-pandemic

Now that we are in the post-restriction in-pandemic phase, dating has become even more complex, forcing us to reconfigure priorities and changing what we deemed an attractive or viable date.

Whilst it was perceived controlling to demand to know your partner’s whereabouts before the pandemic, knowing where your partner has been in order to assess the risk of significant exposure to the virus has now become a health conversation. When you date someone, is it OK to request that they don’t go to a busy indoor event for five days before meeting them? Is asking your date to wear a face mask in public places imposing your opinion onto them or is it looking after public health? There are no longer clear answers. Wanting to feel safe and wanting to be autonomous have now become even stronger competing needs, and harder to navigate.

If you really liked someone on the first few dates, how assertive would you be about some of your health-oriented opinions? Would you be willing to take more health risks? Or would you only date someone who has the same health-oriented opinions? Has the attitude towards face masks and COVID-19 health become the new attractive feature taking priority over looking beautiful?

One of the essential ingredients for a good relationship is shared values. As human beings, we hold our values dear. For example, the people in a relationship tend to vote for the same political party, or they have the same views about important things like Brexit or climate change. Now, a new value to consider is the attitude regarding vaccinations.

The "double vaccination" status speaks directly to people’s sense of safety. Many people have disclosed their vaccination status on their dating app profile as a way to say "I’m safe" or perhaps "I’m attractive," and it can also be a way to repel those who are against vaccinations. That vaccination status alone can influence how people decide to date and with whom.

The pandemic has also changed our relationship (and attachment) with technology. In lockdown, we all had to quickly befriend technology to continue seeing our friends, family and, for many, it was the only way to meet new people and even have sex.

Some people might not want to give up their attachment to technology and would prefer to remain in a tech-based dating platform, which means they would screen out those who want to date in person. A new sexuality called "digisexuality" thrived during the pandemic. "Digisexuals" are people who enjoy interacting sexually with others mostly through technology.

As the world continues to rapidly change because of the pandemic, our views, ideas, opinions, and values about dating, relationships, love, and sex are also changing. In lockdown, we had to adapt to new ways of living; now we will need to adapt to new ways of dating and connecting. It is OK not to date someone who has vastly different values from you, but there is no need for insults or ghosting. Remember that everybody is somewhat bruised by the pandemic. There is one value we can all share: kindness.