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Embarrassment
Shame, Guilt, and Embarrassment
What's the difference?
Posted July 18, 2019 Reviewed by Matt Huston
"They whose guilt within their bosom lies, imagine every eye beholds their blame." —William Shakespeare
Shame, guilt, and embarrassment—what's the difference?
Within social-moral emotion, three have raised the most interest through time: shame, guilt, and embarrassment. The question that arises from the study of those emotions is inevitable: How do we differentiate them, and how do they contribute to our social life?
Embarrassment is said to be the first trace of the emergence of self and morality, whereas shame and guilt are seen as more complex, self-conscious emotions and thus emerge later in development.
Embarrassment is related to hierarchical interactions, as it is more often felt when one is surrounded by people of higher social status than when around people of lower social status. It is also associated with the violation of a social convention and argued to be a phylogenetically older and simpler version of shame, or "protoshame."
Cultural style can be defined in part based on the relative importance of guilt and shame in the society; Western cultures tend to be defined as guilt cultures, whereas East Asian cultures would be more shame-centric cultures. Protoshame may have thus developed differently in East Asian and Western societies, based on different concepts of self and sense of community specific to each culture.
So, putting embarrassment aside, what about shame and guilt? If those two emotions seem to be confused, they appear to result from different psychological systems, with different elicitors and action tendencies, but both relate to the sense of a violation of moral norms.
How can we differentiate them?
Let us consider the following statement: “I have done something wrong.” There are two focuses in it: the agent (who did it) and the action (what has been done). Looking at the agent, the statement refers to the self, “I,” falling under the self-conscious category. One way to think about the difference between shame and guilt is to answer the question: Does this action define who I am as a person?
If the answer is “yes,” it means the wrong you did is part of who you are, the action makes you a bad person, and you tend to feel shameful about this action. If the answer is “no,” the action was an isolated act that does not define you as a person, and you would rather feel guilty about the wrong done.
The results of such feelings differ as well. In shame, the person would rather try to find a hole to hide in, whereas in guilt, the person will try to repair the wrong done.
Looking at the action itself, a new question arises: Do I wish I could change it? If you feel bad, and you wish you could erase what you did, guilt could turn into remorse. Both guilt and remorse are action-oriented, motivating reparation by making amends or thinking you deserve to be punished.
Having a clearer idea of what makes shame, guilt, and embarrassment distinct emotions, what could be the function of guilt? Why is it important to try and repair a damaged relationship?
The function of guilt
Guilt is often experienced as a negative emotion, but it can have positive interpersonal consequences. Because one feels guilty over an action directed toward another person, the agent may try to make amends and repair the potentially broken relationship with this other person. The experience of guilt is inextricably linked to the interests of another person, and the goal of maintaining, mending, or assessing relationships with others.
Early accounts cast guilt primarily as a self-regulatory emotion, prompting individuals to reflect on their mistakes and ultimately feel better about themselves. More recently, experiments have shown that guilt can prompt people to specific actions towards others, such as helping behaviors and anti-prejudicial behaviors.
The intensity of the guilty feelings directly depends on the nature of the relationship with the person wronged; the closer people are to the victim, the more intense their feelings tend to be. However, although guilt can be experienced automatically after committing a social transgression (self-induced guilt), it can also be induced by others as a method of control to gain power within relationships (other-induced guilt).
Thus, although guilt is unpleasant to feel, it can be a complex and powerful phenomenon within social negotiations and function positively within relationships.
Emotional states prepare us to perform a specific set of actions, but they also have a communicative function, informing others about our internal states and feelings... But that's a story for another day.
