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That's how many folks keep the resolution promise after six months of making the commitment to the self. I found it to be a surprisingly high number, yet, the fall-off from intention to action is sharp.
I'm not here to talk about resolutions, but rather about the loss of the dream. Your dreams. Your desires. And something within you that didn't get realized or fulfilled. It keeps hanging around, the memory of the thing that didn't happen in your life. The relationship that had gone wrong, the work-life you thought you'd have, or the person you thought you'd become. How maybe, just maybe, you'd be different than your parents, or make a difference in the world, or honor the internal spark you once knew.
Oh, the magic bestowed upon the children who dream about what they could be or do or see. Do you remember being a kid and thinking, "I want to__," and just filling in the blank? Or "I wish I could__," do this or become that? When was the last time you actually asked yourself these questions? When did they stop? Why did they stop? There's something about the loss of dreams, especially when they've become dormant or taken leave of your soul. It is that leave-taking that keeps the ongoing resolution mentality alive.
1. Making Magic Takes Time
Magic. There is a kind of magic in your brain. It holds many secrets. If you let it, if you invite it in, it can befriend you, when asked, as you set up to create and reignite the dreamer within you. The brain is like a maze with switches that turn on and off. Sometimes there are dead-ends and sometimes one path leads to another path, and amazing things happen because something that's been shut down suddenly becomes alive. The matter of aliveness happens by telling the brain you are serious about your own dreams.
Celine Dion said it in her song Immortality:
" Cos I have found a dream that must come true. Every ounce of me must see it through."
The magic of fulfilling the dream begins with curating the hunger for the vision to become a reality. Yes, dreams do come true. They require you. And, no I'm not talking about your dream to win the lottery. That's not in your control, right?
What's in your control? Your attitude.
The messaging you give to your brain.
It takes a lot of work, to navigate through the untenable maze of negative voices carried within you. The voices are the thoughts that exist in your brain, and are irresistible to attach to, especially when they are loudly saying what you think about yourself: "It's not worth trying." "Your stupid to think you can change an outcome." The goal is to refute these negativities and get into the same perspective as touted in the song, I Hear Voices In My Head sung by Skinny Head, CLMD, where the desire is to "Get rid of the voices in my head." Replace them with the reclaiming of the self—And the Dreams.
2. It's Time to Break Up With Dormancy to Get Back to Dreaming
The breakup must occur. Like any bad relationship that keeps you down, your inactivity or sluggishness around reinstating the claim to your dream has got to be interrupted. Dormancy is a grief reaction to what you've lost. The good news is once you see how you've been affected by the loss of the dream, you have the power to reinstate it. Dreaming Time must begin. Invite it in.
3. Be Curious
Your curiosity is one of your allies. Yes, it's an ally and aligns nicely with your brain as your ally. They are both superpowers to help you get into the mindset of Dream Creation. Master it by creating a daily mantra about the dream. Where do you see yourself in the dream? What stops it, when it gets interrupted? Pay attention to this because what gets in the way of your dream time, is great information. What keeps you stuck is as important as what moves the dream forward. According to the work of Kou Murayama an associate professor at the University of Reading, if you are motivated, you learn better and remember more of what you learned, and that different types of motivation influence learning. For example, mastery-based motivation supports long-term learning. And learning is key to dreams and magic.
4. Share It or Not, Own the Dream
Sometimes sharing the dream with others makes the dream real. Create a list of outcomes and obstacles that might cause the dream to take pause or to take its place in your reality. Be aware of what I call the Knowing and Believing Gap. You know what to do and don't believe knowing what to do will make it happen, which causes you to become a non-believer. Bring the gap out of its resistance, by knowing what needs to be done, and believing you can make a difference. If you're happy, good chance, others around you may experience the shift out of inertia and into actionable movements affecting your sense of self, desire, and resilience.
5. Dream and Delight
Imagine. Continue to imagine the outcome. If this changes, so be it, it's okay, because you are on the path to shifting your relationship to the status quo and to the grief that's been hanging around and disabling your ability to be the creator of a dream come true. You can be your own magician by seeing beyond the negative cognitions, instilling new thoughts and ideas, and breaking the stagnation. Delight in your dream possibilities. Small steps get you there. Small wins get you there. Make a list of the dreams that are attainable. See how it feels to acquire the dream and make it part of you. Wake up with the dream of the day. How will you make part of the dream come alive in the day? See it. Imagine it. Imagine you in it.
Be that little kid again who says: I Wish I Could Be__. I Wish I Could Create__.
It begins with you. And you become your own architect to create the life, the moments, the outcomes that start with a dream and can turn into a reality.
“The possibility of the dream gives strength.”
― Lailah Gifty Akita, Pearls of Wisdom: Great Mind
References
The science of motivation. Multidisciplinary approaches advance research on the nature and effects of motivation. Kou Murayama, Ph.D.
