Three Alternatives to Perfectionism

What would you do if perfectionism wasn’t a thing? While some of us thrive in leadership roles where we get to multitask, oversee teams, engage with different personalities, and achieve high tasks, doing it all is not always rewarding in the ways we want or need. The most effective leaders distribute tasks and know their boundaries. I have three suggestions for alternatives to striving for perfectionism that I hope you’ll consider.

1. Saying "no." What happens when you say "no"? What do you feel? What goes through your head? What do you think other people think of you? Maybe you haven’t expressed this statement just yet, but you are contemplating.

My take is when you say "no," you are saying "yes" to yourself.

The reality of saying “no” in leadership can have repercussions because you don’t know the consequences. There may be consequences: unwanted tension, misinterpretations, judgments, evaluations, or nothing at all. The anxiety-provoking part is taking the risk. I want to advocate for your mental health, but only you will know when you have a little more to give or when it’s time to try something different. The great part of considering saying "no" is you’re having the conversation with yourself. Maybe you have begun to recognize the massive stressors that feel unrealistic and unfair and you’re questioning the situation. This is a great place to be!

As you emerge as a leader, you may also find yourself experiencing imposter syndrome. Imposter syndrome is more than just not feeling good enough—it is an effect of existing in patriarchal and institutional systems and cultures that are not built for us. Experiencing imposter syndrome indicates we are different and perhaps inexperienced. Yes, there will be things we don’t know because we haven’t been here before. What is hurtful is when we start placing unrealistic expectations on ourselves. How can you know how to drive a car you've never driven before or work a cash register system that you never used? Apply that same logic to leading a group of 100 people for the first time….right, unrealistic!

2. Being confident in what you know. Another alternative to perfectionism and imposter syndrome is focusing on what is known. You are here because you are equipped to be here. When I started a new leadership role, I had to challenge myself to grow more confident in this area. I went to grad school, completed a four-year Ph.D. program, did a post-doctoral fellowship, and received advanced training in my field throughout my studies from various professional organizations, yet I still questioned if I was the right person for the job. I questioned my abilities and compared myself to people who had been doing it for years…*shakes head*.

I know now that those judgments of myself were unrealistic and unfair. Don’t join the choir in your head or push unwanted scrutiny of your abilities. You are already going to experience that in life, so challenge yourself to sing a different tune. You have what you need. Be intentional about building your allies. Once you cross that mental bridge, the opportunities are endless. I believe these questions come with age and professional development. Some people may feel confident in their abilities but struggle with character development. Books on leadership and leadership styles can help you analyze your leadership "type" and identify your next steps.

3. Being vs. doing. Now, you are probably wondering how you can accomplish this at work. You must do things to get paid. I hear you, but while you are doing what is required of you, I want to encourage you to also focus on being who you are. What if you challenged yourself to learn more about your strengths and what you have to offer? Take a poll—ask friends what they have learned from you the most and start tracking your gifts. What have you learned about yourself this year? In the psychology world, research supports the idea that rapport is a strong indicator of a successful therapeutic relationship (Ardito & Rabellino, 2011; Ackerman & Hilensroth, 2003). Sometimes, who you are matters more than what you know: how you respond to conflict, how you receive criticism, how you operate in your gifts, and how you share space with others. Those things are remembered as well.

I hope you’ve felt inspired to challenge yourself with these three alternatives to perfectionism. I am rooting for you!