The Association Between Violence and PTSD

"It is better to light one small candle than to curse the darkness" Confuscius.

The worst part for him was standing there watching, not being able to do anything to help. Standing there wondering how this was happening. The memory of that moment profound still. Profound in both sight and sound as he stood there that day in a village in Afghanistan and watched an Afghan man whip an innocent 8-year old Afghan boy at his captain's urging.

Picture that day. Picture our soldiers grieving and furious because two days prior an IED had killed members of their unit. An IED believed to be triggered by a cell phone. Picture the captain, upset because one of those killed was his best friend. Picture the assignment, a mission to talk to people in the village to find out who had killed their own. Picture the captain needing to find the people or person responsible. Picture the feeling of futility, knowing the difficulties and tension involved in the communication between villagers and U.S. soldiers. Picture the captain, spotting an 8-year old Afghan boy playing with a cell phone in the village. Picture the captain running towards that child asking and then demanding to be able to look at the phone. Asking him where he got the phone. Picture the boy pulling away, shaking his head no, tripping and then running toward the mosque (a place where U.S. soldiers are not allowed). Picture the captain chasing him, and then turning to grab another child who had been standing there with his friend. Picture this other child with the captain's hand wrapped around his arm, not understanding the captains' request to get that phone from his friend and bring it back to him. Picture the captain pulling the boy, now terrified, toward the Afghan men working with our troops. Picture the conversation between the captain and the Afghan men about the boy and the phone. Picture an Afghan man pulling out a whip to punish the boy for having upset the captain. Picture the Afghan man whipping and whipping the boy for the crime of standing in the wrong place at the wrong time. Picture other soldiers watching. Helpless to help the captain and helpless to help the boy. Picture the ride back to the base, the silence, confusion, rage and sorrow. Picture a sleepless night.

A real scene of war yes, yet rates of spousal and child abuse among returning military personnel at home has increased this past year. The innocent harmed for being in the wrong place at the wrong time with someone not coping well with their experiences at war.

Shall we too stand around and silently look away, feeling helpless?

Untreated PTSD is a contributing factor in the increased rates of spousal and child abuse among our military personnel. Returning service members frequently speak about having to learn to cope with overwhelming feelings of anger, impatience, agitation. While these emotions are normal, striking out at children is not.

Who among us couldn't identify with the soldiers watching helplessly, the grief-stricken captain, the child? Who among us would not feel overwhelming emotion when those we love are intentionally hurt or killed? Who among us has never contemplated retaliation or felt rage?

While the emotions are real and understandable, there are ways to improve ones control over emotions. Treatments for PTSD exist. Effective treatments to learn to manage symptoms and define meaning in what may seem meaningless. Treatments for anger exist, including cognitive-behavioral treatments to help develop alternative ways of thinking during the heat of the moment so that violence does not seem the only available option.

Treatment is also available for those coping with living with someone with untreated PTSD. Those struggling to have better communication with their loved one. One veteran told me that upon returning home from a very long deployment to Afghanistan, he felt like a water jug. He said it was like being a water jug filled to the rim with water and he was walking around all day just trying to keep himself from tipping over, which felt impossible because the water seemed to be tipping over all the time. All his energy was focused on keeping himself together and he had nothing left for his family or friends at home. When his wife miscarried, he said that she was devastated. He felt nothing but he faked feeling the loss with her. He felt horrible that he had to pretend to be upset when in reality he felt nothing. It seemed to me that he hardly felt nothing. In fact, he was so filled up with emotion, he could barely manage what he already had inside him emotionally. The "water" was up to the rim, spilling over. It would be; perhaps, wise for him to recognize that "numbness" was a feeling of full rather than one of empty. That way, he could learn healthy ways to let some of that water out.