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Key points
- The challenge in life is not to manufacture more peaks, but to experience each phase fully.
- Empathy and happiness can coexist.
- Redefine what's celebration-worthy to experience more satisfaction over the course of life.
I recently had a conversation with a client who grew up in Belfast during the conflict in Northern Ireland known as “the Troubles.” His life was always uncertain, often strained. The atrocities he lived through and witnessed were gruesome—things no one, let alone a small child, should have to endure. And yet, in his reflections, he emphasized: “It was not all bad. There was still happiness. We laughed. We made music. Life was pretty good.”
Life does not unfold like a flat line
Rather, it moves in three distinct directions: peaks, plummets, and plateaus. That is to say, things are great, they nosedive, and, eventually, they level out. Regardless of the nuances of your life, these three movements apply to everyone.
In many cultures, we are taught to think that two of these are “bad"—plummets and plateaus:“If you aren’t ‘peaking,’ you’re losing!” As for peaking, we’re often not allowed to enjoy that either, with many feeling they must downplay or apologize for those peak moments.
What a life, eh?
Like you, I’ve had ample experience with each of these modes. The challenge, I find, is not to manufacture more peaks but to accept the ephemerality of each stage of the cycle and give yourself the space to experience each deeply and fully.
Ironically, this is perhaps most challenging during peak times.
Why?
Well, because there are bad things happening in the world! Conflict, illness, injustices, and so many more really terrible things. And if you consider yourself to be aware and empathetic, it seems selfish to acknowledge when things are actually pretty great in your own life, when you know that for someone, somewhere, things are terrible.
If this is you, you’re a Peak Mode Apologist
Peak Mode Apologists operate with the best of intentions. And yet, to disallow yourself joy because there isn’t a ubiquitous cause for celebration is to cut yourself off from the full human experience—the very purpose of being alive. You can remain empathetic and committed to causes in the fight for others and the world while still celebrating and finding joy in what’s happening in your life.
How?
First, happiness and empathy can coexist. You don’t have to choose. Second—and this is a big one—I promise you there will be moments when your life’s direction will shift. The peak will inevitably become a plummet. Maybe it’ll be a sharp turn, catching you by surprise, or maybe it’ll happen slowly, gradually, with long plateaus in between. But regardless of its timing: it’s coming.
In every life, there is a time for each direction, each mode. If you’re waiting for your peaks to align with one big synchronized global peak—well… good luck with that.
So when your life trends upward, make no mistake: The time for joy is now.
If the guilt of that is too much for you, take heart: The other shoe will drop.
You can either wait with bated breath, or you can relax into the happiness of today, of this moment, in your corner of the world. That ease gives you more energy and vitality to show up for anyone and anything that is trending downward. Cause you can’t fight for others if your own house is on fire. So do both. Be the joyful beacon of hope (while you can) while suiting up as a vibrant warrior for others.
How to recognize Plummet Denialists
Unfortunately, we all know someone who is the opposite of a Peak Mode Apologist: These are the Plummet Denialists. They are the “toxic positivity” people, the ones who believe any downward dip is a result of you not “manifesting” enough, who reduce any acknowledgment of a struggle as “being negative,” who will never admit when anything is less than great in their own lives. It’s as exhausting as it is fake.
But so is the denial of your own joy. Don’t play the martyr, withholding the warmth you need to stay motivated. It makes you no better than the Plummet Denialists (and you definitely don’t want to be in their bucket).
Even life’s peaks are not pain-free, and as my client reminded me, sometimes the worst of times can offer a portal to happiness. We don’t always operate at a 10, nor do we permanently sink to 0. In reality, most of our lives hover somewhere in between, in the everyday—which is so often underrated. Pleasure is found in small, thoughtful rituals, like some morning tea in the sunshine. The quiet moments enjoyed with someone you love. The witty exchange that makes you laugh, the spontaneous night out until dawn, the spark of a new connection.
So don’t just give yourself the space to celebrate the peaks; redefine what a peak is in the first place.
Here’s hoping you find something celebration-worthy today.
P.S. Know someone who is a Peak Mode Apologist (or Plummet Denialist)? Share this with them to open the door to appreciating all of life’s cycles.
