'What’s It Like to Be You?'

How are you? We’re asked that plenty. And the answer is usually the perfunctory “fine” or something equally trite. But asked, “What’s it like to be you?” that’s another story. When you ask someone that question, it's the first step to a real connection. When my son was little, at the end of the day, I’d ask him, “What’s it like to be you?” I’d made up that question all those years ago and continue to ask that a lot in therapy sessions to my patients as well as to friends and family.

Asking “What’s it like to be you?” is really different from being asked, “How are you?” For one thing, the message we give someone when asking them the question “What’s it like to be you?” is that you care, they matter, and that you really want to know the answer. Sounds nuanced but connecting with our fellow humans is important and reaching out and asking someone to really share what it’s like to be them is more important now than ever. We’ve come out of a period of being disconnected and literally isolated as a result of the pandemic. It’s been hard to be each and every one of us during this pandemic period. A lot of stuff has happened all around us and to us. It’s been a really hard period in the history of humans.

Do we ever really stop and inventory what we’re feeling or experiencing right then and there at the moment? Having someone ask “What’s it like to be you right now?” usually has the recipient doing a double-take and forces them to really pay attention to themselves for that moment. Might not be enough to just ask “How are you?” That’s something that most everyone might need especially right now—being asked how they’re really doing.

Take a moment and ask the question “What’s it like to be me?” of yourself. It’s really important to take the time and figure out what’s up with you. Take emotional inventory during good times and hard times by tuning into your inner self and ask the question, “What’s really going on with me?” Take notice of your immediate answer as to whether it is negative, positive, painful, happy, scary, or a validating one. Is it hard to be you now or ever? That’s a telling question and a necessary first step in self-care. The answer can lead to greater self-awareness, growth, and healing.

So, what do we do with the answer to the question, whether it is we who ask it of someone or whether we ask the question of ourselves? Connecting with another or becoming more aware of yourself in the moment are both invaluable. Paying attention to what’s good in your life and what’s bad or needs fixing or changing is the first step to personal growth and evolvement. How have you been impacted by the pandemic? We’ve all been impacted, but are you struggling right now? Where are you right now? Is most of it OK? Can you manage your current state, or are you having a hard time? Reaching out for professional counseling or reaching out to a friend or family might be what you need to do. We’re all just trying to survive. And if you’re reading this, you survived a pandemic. And that alone makes it good to be you.