Six Ideas for Making Great Recommendations

We live in an age where on-line retailers can make personal suggestions by analyzing our past browsing and buying behaviors. Computer programs can pinpoint the perfect song, a relevant book, or highlight clothes you will almost certainly love. In everyday interactions between real humans, however, making a bulls-eye recommendation is a little tougher. There are no easy algorithms to draw upon. Whether it is the perfect wine to pair with an entree or a suggestion for a beach read making good recommendations is an art form.

It may be instructive to consider three of the most common ways that recommendations go awry:

1. The kitchen sink: People have a tendency to treat recommendations like a shotgun blast rather than a sniper bullet. They offer so much that, statistically speaking, something is going to work out well. I recently visited an on-line forum where a member asked for a recommendation for a book on happiness. Dozens of books were recommended, sometimes by one individual, despite the fact that many of the books have large overlap in content or involve niche areas.

2. Recency effects: People have the tendency to recommend what is right there on top of their mind. Typically, this means recent stuff. If I ask where I should vacation, for instance, you are more likely to access your most recent vacation than you are to think about all potential vacation spots.

3. No recommendation: For some reason people occasionally refuse to play the game. "I don't know," they might say. In essence, their refusal shuts down the conversation and can, potentially, adversely affect the relationship, at least temporarily.

Now that you know what to avoid here are three easy tips that can help you offer more fitting recommendations of your own:

1. Ask questions. There is no need to race straight to the recommendation. This isn't what Amazon, or Netflix, or Pandora do. First, they collect information. You should do the same. Find out more about the particular preferences or goals of the person asking so that you can tailor your recommendation.

2. Speak from experience . Recommend books, clothes, destinations, and food with which you have personal experience. Your personal insights can help shed light on the virtues and limitations and oddities of what you are recommending. It can open a dialogue that can create more trust and intimacy with your friends.

3. Take risks. When a friend asks for a recommendation she isn't expecting perfection. She is asking for input, for ideas, for new information to consider. If you are comfortable with the topic feel free to recommend books, clothes, destinations, music or other possibilities that are off the beaten path. For example, if someone asks where they should visit on a trip to Istanbul tell them to walk down the pedestrian-friendly Istaklal, even though there are dozens of other worthwhile sights. Against all these other possibilities it makes your recommendation feel special.

Dr. Robert Biswas-Diener is fascinated by the way people avoid the difficult aspects of human psychology despite their benefits. He has written about these topics in his new book, co-authored with Dr. Todd Kashdan: The Upside of Your Dark Side: Why being your whole self—not just your “good” self—drives success and fulfillment. It is available from Amazon , Barnes & Noble , Booksamillion , Powell's or Indie Bound.