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Relationships
Lessons from Celebrity Relationships
Is it OK to think about changing your appearance during a breakup?
Posted May 25, 2021 Reviewed by Hara Estroff Marano
Key points
- Breakups always involve a change in identity.
- They often spur people to make significant changes in personal appearance.
- Whether or not it's a good time to change the way you look depends in part on what you thought about yourself long before the split.
Going through a separation, breakup, or divorce always involves some element of loss, whether it is of the person you are no longer with, the relationship you shared, or your connected history. You might also feel as though you lost a part of yourself,—the person you were when you were with your former partner.
Even identity must shift when you are no longer part of a couple and a “we” but on your own as a “me.” In response, the newly unhitched sometimes feel the urge to make a quick and spontaneous physical change. Women may cut their hair; men may shave off a beard or mustache.
It is a symbolic act, marking loss of who they were. In many cases, they don’t even realize they are doing it as a way of dealing with emotional upheaval.
Country singer Jana Kramer recently announced that just before she found out that her husband Mike Caussin had been unfaithful again and their marriage finally unraveled—after years of being up and down—she decided to get a breast augmentation. She told Extra, “two weeks before I found everything out, I got a boob job. I didn’t plan on this to happen. Now that I’m healed, I’m like, ‘I got a divorce body, okay?’”
The question becomes, is it a good idea to modify appearance when going through a breakup, considering everything else that's going on and has to be dealt with? More specifically, is your current appearance something you rely on for security and confidence, something not to put at risk when you are already struggling? Or, since you are already going through a transformation in your life, is it an opportune time to shake up your appearance?
The first thing to consider if you face such a decision is whether you have always wanted to break free from whatever style you have long lived with. Have you always wanted to wear brighter clothes but remained stuck wearing black and navy because you felt safe and comfortable or didn’t know what might be flattering to you?
Perhaps you always wanted to be a blonde but never dared beyond a few highlights because everyone sees you as dependable and reliable and you were concerned they would no longer take you seriously. Have you considered enhancement in the past but never felt the time was right? If so, now might be exactly the time. It can put you in charge of yourself and boost your well-being while expanding your self-expression—as well as offer a new beginning, a fresh way to see yourself, and a fresh way to present yourself to other people.
The next thing to consider is how you will feel if you don’t like the way the changes turn out. Maybe you want to try going blonde but are not sure how it will work for you. If your reaction is likely to be, "that’s okay, at least I’m not a brunette anymore, maybe next time I’ll go a little redder," you are probably in fine shape to move forward. If you would be okay with whatever comes your way, and simply be glad to have the opportunity to try something else, that is an indication that now is a good time.
The flip side is coming away from a breakup feeling so insecure that a hit to your appearance would be even more demoralizing. It might be better to allow healing time after the breakup before making a big change.
How you look affects your confidence, and how you feel translates into how you carry yourself. into the world. Ignore those who proclaim that thinking about appearance at a time of upheaval is superficial. In reality, it is important and can help you feel better and stronger while raising your self-esteem.
