Winter Reset: Revisiting Your Neurodivergent Child's Routine

The holidays are over, and winter break is a distant memory. These factors sometimes make it challenging for any child—especially a neurodivergent child—to get back on track and follow a routine.

However, it's our responsibility as parents to ensure children are functional and productive at every age. One idea is to revisit and discuss your child’s routine while understanding your role based on their stage of life. Yes, your role varies, but it helps support your child in becoming a responsible and independent adult.

As you read on, please know it’s essential to have a routine, but life happens. Please don’t ever force your neurodivergent child to be bound to a routine because this promotes anxiety. Everything is about balance; you know your child best. These are all suggestions to create healthy long-term habits.

1. Preschool and Elementary School

Routines are helpful for behavior management in younger children so they know what to expect. Children this age also respond well to visual aids or tools (e.g., charts, pictures, or even songs).

Your role: Fully create and own your neurodivergent child’s routines, including wake-up times, playtime, after-school time, meals, and bedtimes. You will be calmer, in control, and less likely to have a parenting meltdown. Your child may also experience fewer tantrums, too.

General Tips

• Plan for downtime. Just as you need a break, so does your child. We all need time to decompress, wind down, and reflect.
• Make limits part of the routine. Limit activities like screen time. Let your child play games on their device, but only between a specific window or after dinner, etc. This practice teaches prioritization, too.
• Explain the why. Tell your child why we have routines, why you eat dinner at this time, or why bedtime is important. Children need to understand the why behind what you are telling them. Remember, this is all new to them!

2. Middle School

Middle school is very different from elementary school as children begin learning about balance and start to switch classrooms and teachers and experience homework and tests.

Your role: Set your neurodivergent child’s daily routine and guide them as they work through it all. School start times and end times are different this year. Be aware of introducing new bedtimes and wake-up times and how this impacts other family members' routines.

General Tips

• Share reminders. Remind children about their many teachers, their names, and what the teachers have stated are expectations. Consider using color coding to assist as needed.

• Pack their backpack together. It’s important to help your child stay prepared. One great way is by keeping their backpack organized and maintained. Partnering on this activity also helps them learn skills for their first school locker.

• Keep an open dialogue. Reassure your child that middle school is overwhelming for everyone, and you’ll be there when they feel nervous and alone. Continue to refine and check in on their routine so you can make changes as needed together.

3. High School

During this life stage, balancing school work and everything else, including friends, social media, exercise, and eating well, is really hard. Routines are more complex and can induce more stress.

Your role: Help your neurodivergent child utilize their strengths and empower them to map out their day. High school is not an age where you need to call the shots. Think of yourself as the cheerleader on the sidelines!

General Tips

• Help identify productive moments. Help your child figure out when they’re most productive during the day. If your child is a morning person, encourage them to wake up early to finish an assignment or schedule it for a weekend morning.
• Provide feedback. If you know your child tends to get hungry, suggest they have a snack before starting school work. If music helps, tell them to incorporate music into their study session.
• Encourage the use of a daily planner. A planner is a great way for your child to be organized and aware of deadlines for tests, assignments, and extracurricular activities. It also promotes independence.

Lastly, for any age: praise your child. Give them credit for following their routine, making it through the day, doing their homework, or going to bed and getting some rest. It’s hard to spend the day in school and then come home and do chores or homework. You're doing your best, and so is your child. Let them know how proud you are of them every day!