What to Do With Your New Friend

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Friends, I must confess something to you—I don’t like Cornhole.

I try, and I try, to launch that fat sack into that tiny hole, and the sack launches every which way. Hitting the board is a win for me, forget about the hole. Sometimes we should believe in our ability to grow at the things we work hard at, but other times, it’s just hopelessness. That’s Cornhole and me. Our relationship is doomed.

But, in recently attending a Cornhole league, I recognized why it could be a powerful way to foster connection. When conversation peters out and things get awkward, you have the sack to focus on. There’s less squirming, less social anxiety. And maybe when we meet new acquaintances, some of us need a sack in our lives: something novel to focus on so we can avoid the existential anxieties of being laid bare with each other.

One study sought to test the claim that when we have unusual and exciting experiences with new acquaintances, we’ll feel closer to them than when we do something ordinary.

Here’s what it found:

• People were told to recall either an extraordinary or ordinary experience with a recent acquaintance. After recalling the extraordinary experience, they reported feeling more similar to the acquaintance.
• People met a new acquaintance in the lab and were given a wafer. Half were asked to do unusual things with the wafer (put a wafer under your nose and smell it), and half were asked to do ordinary things (put a wafer in your mouth to taste it). The pairs that did unusual things reported feeling closer after.
• People imagined buying light bulbs (ordinary) or Christmas lights (extraordinary) with a new acquaintance. They reported feeling closer to the new acquaintance after imagining the Christmas bulb shopping. This study also examined why. It turns out shopping for Christmas bulbs was more absorbing, alleviating the awkwardness of an initial encounter.

So what kinds of extraordinary experiences could you do with a new friend? It should be absorbing, giving you and your new friend something to talk about and focus on if needed:

1. Go for dessert.

Researchers found that “risky eating,” indulging in high-calorie foods like a milkshake, is linked to more feelings of closeness.

2. Try an unusual workout together.

See if there are any puppy or even goat yoga classes happening in your area. Even if you’re a proficient yogi, adding in these lovable animals is sure to make for an unusual experience.

3. Check out your local zoo.

Walking around and seeing all the animals gives you a lot to focus on. It also gives you a lot to talk about to keep the conversation flowing if that’s needed.