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The last several months have been undeniably stressful for parents and children. According to a survey of over 3,000 American adults conducted on behalf of the American Psychological Association, Americans’ stress is significantly higher this year than in any year since the annual survey began in 2007.
Compared with American adults who do not have children at home, American parents of children under 18 living with them at least half the time report experiencing significantly more stress. Forty-six percent of parents with children at home compared with 28 percent of adults without children at home report experiencing high levels of stress.
Children, too, are experiencing more stress than usual this year. Part of children’s stress can be attributed to disruptions in their lives such as school closings and cancellation of regular activities and special events. Another major cause of children’s stress, however, is parents’ stress. When parents experience stress, they are more likely to be inconsistent and harsh in interactions with their children (e.g., yelling at the child in frustration rather than calmly explaining why what the child did was wrong).
Yet, children (and adults) can be remarkably resilient. For example, even when children experience an uptick in anxiety or behavior problems in response to a stressor in their lives, they usually return to baseline levels of psychological and behavioral well-being after a period of adjustment.
So, given the high levels of stress that parents and children are experiencing, what can parents do to promote their children’s resilience? Consider factors specific to the child, to the parent-child relationship, and to the environment outside the home.
In terms of child factors, some children have easier temperaments or other characteristics that make them less vulnerable to stress and more resilient than others. For example, children who are less emotionally reactive may be less susceptible to the negative effects of stress, and children who are better able to regulate negative emotions may have a further advantage.
In terms of parent-child relationship factors, parents’ consistent provision of love, affection, and acceptance is crucial to children’s well-being. Parents can demonstrate love in numerous ways—showing physical affection by hugging or kissing, praising children and saying “I love you,” or by taking care of children’s needs in other ways. Exactly how parents demonstrate love is less important than ensuring that children feel loved.
Parents should also take care to shield children from stressors within the home whenever possible. For example, they can minimize children’s exposure to arguments between adults in the household and conversations about financial worries. Children should not have to pick sides in adult arguments and will feel more emotionally secure if they are not embroiled in conflict.
In terms of environmental factors outside the home, support from friends, non-family adults (like teachers and coaches), and other resources (such as faith and cultural communities) can contribute to children’s resilience in the face of stress.
Neither parents nor children are passive in the face of stress. When parents identify child, parent-child relationship, or environmental factors outside the home that make resilience in the face of stress more difficult, parents can take active steps to promote children’s resilience. For example, parents can work with children to help them manage negative emotions more effectively, demonstrate love and affection to children, and connect children with resources in the community. Likewise, parents can encourage children’s own agency by empowering them to activate resources to cope with stress, which can promote resilience by fostering children’s sense of self-efficacy in managing stress.
Additional details about the American Psychological Association stress survey are available here.
