Grief

It Is OK to Ask for Help

Do you think you might need to talk with someone since your loved one died?

Posted February 1, 2023 | Reviewed by Davia Sills

Key points

Grief takes as long as it takes; there are no shortcuts.
It is a good idea to talk with someone you trust when you are hurting.
It helps to accept that whatever you think, feel, or do is part of a new normal, at least for now.

Experiencing a loss can be difficult and painful. The way you are able to navigate through your grief, or not, can make a big difference in your everyday living. However, because we live in a largely death-denying society, some people may feel uncomfortable being around someone who is grieving or having a difficult time with their loss. Many unknowing people who tell the bereaved to “Move on,” or “Get over it,” or “You’ll be OK”—how do they know? Or they may say something like, “They were old or sick, and they were going to die anyway.” The problem with this advice is that it's not to comfort the bereaved but rather to help make the person who is saying this feel more comfortable because they cannot understand the bereaved's true feelings.

Following are some questions you might want to think about. Ask yourself if this sounds like where you might be right now. Always remember: Grief takes as long as it takes; there are no time limits and no quick fixes.

However, it is a good idea to have someone to talk with now and then, whether it is a grief therapist, a grief group, or a trusted friend, who will listen and not judge you or give you unsolicited advice.

Do you seem to feel more irritable, anxious, angry, or guilty since your loved one died?
Do you feel you have no one to talk with, or do you feel isolated from everyone?
Do you think you should have done more for your deceased loved one, even if you were with them 24/7?
Do you constantly worry about your own death or perhaps someone in your family dying?
Are you afraid to meet new people because you feel you might become close to them and then they will die too?
Are you unable to focus or concentrate most of the time? Do you try to relax and read a book and read the same sentence over and over again?
Are you trying to stay overly busy in the hopes that you will not think about your deceased loved one?
Do you feel like no one calls you anymore or wants to be around you because you are crying a lot or can’t stop talking or thinking about your deceased loved one?
Have you cut yourself off from your family and friends?
Do you feel guilty, depressed, sad, and want to be with your deceased loved one?
Do you worry that you are stuck in your grief or that you might be going crazy or out of control?
Do you think you are grieving "wrong" but can’t seem to find the right way?

Remember, it is OK to ask for help. It is OK to cry in front of others or alone. It is OK to remember a deceased loved one and talk with them. It is OK to allow others to grieve with you.

When your loved one died, you became part of a new normal. This simply means that whatever you feel, think, and do is normal for now. You are not going crazy; you are grieving. This time in your life will pass. Blessings to you as you navigate through your grief.

To find a therapist, visit the Psychology Today Therapy Directory.