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Attachment
Cultivating Mindfulness of Attachment to Praise
How criticism and our attachment to approval can poison our artistry.
Posted May 31, 2021 Reviewed by Kaja Perina
Key points
- Coming to terms with how to handle praise and blame requires that we examine our attachments to those experiences.
- We often get stuck torturing ourselves by thinking about negative comments and easily forget the compliments we receive.
- Guided imagery meditation can help people reconcile and relinquish criticism that stings.
Praise and blame, and fame and insignificance, are four intimately related matters of the Eight Worldly Concerns in Buddhist teachings. These emotional entanglements take on special meaning for the performing and creative artist.
As students and as professionals we seek approval from others. Rebelling against one object often implies approval from another object. In the most radical revolt against the established order, we find what Eric Fromm called automaton conformity in the counterculture. There is always an attachment to someone, some group, or some ideology.
As we become part of a group we seek-out approval and acceptance, and avoid criticism from within the group which we identify. In this social interaction we often encounter praise and blame (compliments and criticisms) from others. Coming to terms with how to handle praise and blame requires that we examine our attachments to those experiences.
We often seek-out praise and avoid or become upset by criticism. A student who is praised by a teacher feels inflated, whereas critical words from a teacher can weigh heavily on us for decades after they are spoken. As Dr. Wayne Dyer described, we must be willing to “give up the good opinions of others,” if we are to be free from the bad opinions as well.
When we receive criticism we must ask ourselves, is this criticism justified or not? If it is justified we thank the person and work on that which was brought to our attention. If we find that the criticism is not justified, and is some defensiveness or the bad intention of the other, then we decide if that relationship is a healthful one for us to remain in. How do we know when a criticism is justified? Taking note of our emotional response can be useful.
When we feel defensive or the need to explain ourselves against criticism, there is something we need to look into. An unjustified criticism will have little emotional effect on us. When someone says something that we are not sensitive to, we do not react emotionally, but rather logically. We might have insecurities that can be targeted by others for malicious reasons. Taking the time to consider what our emotional reaction is will help us to better understand the intention of the critic.
When we encounter a critical response from a teacher or peer that was self-serving and preyed on a sensitivity or insecurity we might have, we can remain injured long after the experience. This can affect how we view ourselves and how we imagine others view us. Those are important events for an artist who presents their work to the public.
We often get stuck torturing ourselves with the negative comments and easily forget the compliments. We can carry these feelings of disapproval with us for years, burdened by the load of a heavy emotional experience. This experience also teaches us to be aware of how and why we present criticism to others. Words do matter (known as right speech in Buddhist teachings). What we say to ourselves often has a stronger impact than what others say to us.
Fame and insignificance are also concerns that involve the good or bad opinion of others. The implications for chasing fame (approval from others) is extremely important for creative and performing artists to consider. Our practice and performance should serve the art and not to be a sacrifice at the altar of acceptance and fame. Examining and keeping-in-check the chase for fame and approval is a necessary part of our artistic practice.
To unburden ourselves from the tyranny of seeking approval we must focus on the art itself and not on the approval or disapproval of others in what we do. When a criticism comes we can examine its value to us, regardless of the pain it might bring, and then learn from or discard the critique.
Sometimes a harsh or self-serving critique hits on an insecurity or sensitive aspect of ourselves. This then becomes a self-criticism that burdens and stays with us permanently. How can we unburden ourselves from such poison? One way is through guided imagery meditation and self-hypnosis.
We can imagine our critic sitting with us. In our fantasy exercise we can tell that person what their words did to us, even asking them why they spoke the words that are hurtful to us. We can carry on an imaginary conversation with the person, learning more about their intention and our reaction. The important thing for us is not that we talk to that person in life, but that we talk to that person as we understand them in our emotional life; in our imagination.
When we are done speaking with this person, we can give them the bags containing the heavy emotions we have been carrying with us for years. Returning the burden of their words for them to cary, and saying goodbye to that person and the burden.
