When Women Cheat, It's Usually for These 10 Reasons

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Why do women cheat? For affection? For revenge?

In most relationships, partners either explicitly or implicitly agree that their relationship is monogamous and faithfulness is requisite. When someone cheats, they violate this agreement and risk the health and stability of their relationship. Considered a serious relationship transgression, infidelity triggers substantial distress and is an often-cited cause of why people divorce or break up (Amato & Privati, 2004).

The Prevalence of Infidelity

Infidelity can jeopardize a relationship, but it's still common. A review of infidelity research suggested approximately 20 to 25 percent of married couples navigate at least one instance of cheating throughout their relationship (Fincham & May 2017). This same review discusses changes over time in who cheats; today, women are "closing the gap," and their rate of infidelity is nearing that of men.

Are women's reasons different from men's for why they cheat? What uniquely motivates women to risk their relationship well-being with an extradyadic affair?

10 Reasons for Women's Infidelity

Recent research sought to learn why women cheat (Murphy et al., 2024). These scholars studied the responses of 116 women (and 138 men) across multiple countries, all of whom had previously engaged in infidelity. Women endorsed the following reasons for their infidelity:

1. They're unhappy in their current relationship (64.66 percent). By far the most nominated reason for infidelity, relationship dissatisfaction is a complex emotional and cognitive state. Maybe it reflects entrenched unhealthy patterns, ongoing conflict, or clear detachment, but when women are dissatisfied, this puts them (and their relationship) at risk for infidelity. Women are twice as likely as men to report this as their reason for infidelity.
2. They see their partner as disengaged (22.41 percent). Placing relationship quality again at the forefront, when women feel their primary partner is uninvested in their relationship, it may provide a motive for infidelity. Four times as many women as men explain their past infidelity as rooted in this cause.
3. They want revenge (15.52 percent). When women discover their partner has had an affair, this can motivate them to do the same. Women are five times more likely than men to engage in infidelity for this reason.
4. They're bored or seeking something new (12.93 percent). Women whose lives feel dull or unexciting might see the appeal of infidelity. While about 5 percent of women reflected that novelty-seeking explained their affair, almost 8 percent pointed to boredom as the reason they cheated.
5. They're sexually dissatisfied (8.62 percent). When women are unhappy with their sex lives with their partner, they might use this as a reason to seek other sexual partners.
6. They have the opportunity, are under the influence, or let foolishness lead the way (7.76 percent). People don't have to be unhappy in their relationships to cheat; sometimes situational factors are the real reasons for infidelity. Someone's flirting; they aren't focusing on consequences; one thing leads to another. As much as we might want people to behave according to their values, situational forces can be strong and can sometimes explain why women cheat.
7. They want validation (6.90 percent). Feeling seen and understood goes a long way, and if women do not think of their value in their relationship, this can serve as a reason for infidelity.
8. They love or desire their affair partner (6.89 percent). To what extent do the qualities of an affair partner tip the scales toward infidelity for women? Surprisingly little. The majority of reasons women use to understand their affairs center on their primary relationship, with only about 2 percent saying it was love toward their affair partner and only about 5 percent saying their affair partner's attractiveness was a key motive.
9. They know their relationship is ending (6.03 percent). Relationship endings are notoriously difficult, but rarely do they happen suddenly. There's a lead-up to a breakup. Maybe cheating is the excuse they need to end their primary relationship or perhaps it's related to the pain of relationship dissolution, but, either way, women sometimes cheat because their primary relationship is ending.
10. Their relationship is long-distance (3.45 percent). A small portion of women blame their relationship distance for their cheating. When couples live in different places, they are less integrated into each other's lives, leaving more opportunities for an affair.

While these reasons were most frequently endorsed within this sample of women, it's not a complete list. Along with less commonly cited reasons that appeared in this study (e.g., mental health issues, stress), people might also cheat for reasons that are unique to their situation. Indeed, the above list was built off of self-reported reasons, leaving open the possibility that people weren't honest or were only partially honest. It does, however, offer an important starting point.

Women Cheat for Reasons Tied to Need Fulfillment

Most people enter committed romantic relationships never thinking they'll have an affair. Despite this, for many couples, infidelity becomes a challenge they need to navigate, either by choosing to move forward or choosing to end their relationship.

Among the many explanations for infidelity, a dominant theme emerges: Infidelity appears linked to a lack of need fulfillment. When belonging and connection needs, sexual needs, self-esteem needs, or social needs aren't being met, women may be more at risk for engaging in infidelity.

This makes sense. People have one life and are intrinsically driven toward need fulfillment. When needs aren't being met in one relationship, the pull of other romantic partners may be strong, and resisting may seem unappealing. This is not to suggest that a lack of fulfillment automatically means infidelity. Instead, it suggests the importance of considering women's general need fulfillment as a risk factor for infidelity.

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