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For the woman whose climax has markedly reduced in its power, or perhaps vanished altogether, I’m sharing a set of often successful suggestions. Reasons for reduced sensation, such as menopause, disease states, or the use of an antidepressant or other medication, can be complex in nature (and require the input of a medical professional in addition to a sex therapist). The most difficult case is when there is a mysterious decline in a woman’s experience of orgasm with no apparent cause.
Whatever the cause, here are six interventions to begin with that may also help increase orgasmic power in healthy women.
1) Edging – Slow arousal, about 45 minutes before any expectation of orgasm, gets her body ready. Teasing, stimulating, tantalizing and stroking causes her vulvar and vaginal tissue, and even her clitoris, to swell in anticipation.
2) Clitoral vibrator – A vibrator is not just a toy but a necessary tool for intense stimulation of not only the tip of the clitoris, but also the parts of the clitoris that are harder to reach. The clitoris is a wishbone-shaped structure, with the “legs” invisibly submerged in the pelvis but responsive to deeper pressure.
3) Multiple stimuli – For example, her lover might stimulate her g-spot while giving her oral sex. Or perhaps anal touch and intercourse and/or breast touching. Maybe, sexually explicit talk from her partner and clitoral stimulation by herself.
4) Erotica or fantasy – Even expert, skillful touch will not arouse a woman if her mind is not turned on. Using erotic literature, film or personal fantasy adds a complex and important level of arousal that is essential to a turn-on. Sometimes a favorite spicy fantasy can be used as a bridge into letting go right near the moment of orgasm.
5) Mindfulness – It’s important that she learn to become present in the moment and turn off distractions and doubt about reaching climax. Sometimes I prescribe a timed exercise for her to focus just on her senses: 30 minutes of pleasuring to reduce her anxiety and allow for the body’s natural progression in the sexual excitement cycle (I recommend doing this exercise a couple of times a week).
6) Kegel squeeze – While strong Kegel muscles do not directly result in stronger orgasms, holding a Kegel squeeze is a good way to draw the mind’s attention to what she is feeling in her vulva.
If I suspect there may be underlying medical issues, I’ll refer her to her gynecologist for tests and to explore medical interventions, like hormone therapy, Viagra-type medications, or laser or radio frequency rejuvenation to help restore tissue integrity.
For more help - please join author Laurie Watson on her podcast FOREPLAY - Radio Sex Therapy on iTunes and Stitcher. Here's one for women who don't have orgasms - Her Big O.
