Stranger Hawking Mate-Bait Program Thinks She Knows You ‘Deep Down Inside’

Recently, I got still another one of those unsolicited emails from someone hawking a mate-bait program for women. Helen apparently never read a word I've ever written but since my blog is about living single, surely I must be all about nabbing that man. I sent her a link to this post about what I think of these kinds of uninformed and uninvited solicitations, and asked her to explain why she thought that I or my readers would be interested in her matrimaniacal program. I don't know if she read the post, but her response is telling:

"Personally, I don't believe there is anything ‘wrong' with being single, and am not
trying to push a matrimaniacal program. However, I also believe that
deep down inside, most desire committed love. Our program exists simply
to assist women who want to find successful relationships, but don't
know how."

Helen does not know you or me. She probably assumes that we are single. That is enough for her to presume that she knows what we want "deep down inside." So, fellow singletons, you may THINK that you are happy and that you actually already have committed love (Helen seem to be someone with a conventionally narrow view of what counts as love), but Helen knows better. She knows what is deep down inside you.

Her brief email reminds me of the myth I busted in Chapter 3 of Singled Out: "Marrieds know best." Maybe also the chapter on how singles are regarded as children. Kids don't know what they really want deep down inside, either - they think what they really want all the time is ice cream.

Beliefs like this are not unique to Helen. They help to explain why singles sometimes have such a hard time having their reports about their own lives taken seriously. People like Helen are convinced that if we say we are single at heart, we are just fooling ourselves.

I doubt that Helen is ill-intended. Many of the people who practice singlism do so without any awareness, and do not realize that there is anything wrong with what they are saying or doing. That's why we need to keep at our consciousness-raising.

Continue to speak out about how you experience your single life, even as other people persist in trying to dismiss your stories.

And speaking of speaking for yourself, here is an opportunity to participate in some research:

"My name is Lisa Peterson. I am a doctoral student at the University of North Dakota completing my dissertation research, funded by the APAGS GLBT Dissertation award and approved by the University of North Dakota's Institutional Review Board.
If you are single (not currently married or in a committed relationship) and age 21 or over, you are invited to participate in a study examining your attitudes toward a variety of social issues. The online questionnaire will take approximately 20 minutes to complete.

Should you choose to participate, you will be entered into a drawing to win one of two $100, two $50, and four $25 Target gift cards!

For more information, visit

https://www.surveymonkey.com/s/singlesstudy

Any questions regarding the study may be directed to the principal investigator at lisa.peterson@und.edu or (701) 400-5472 or the UND IRB at (701)-777-4279.
Thank you for your interest in the study!"