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Key points
- Young adults may experience a lack of drive stemming from underlying depression or anxiety.
- A noticeable decline in academic or work performance indicates that a young adult may be struggling.
- Parents need to explore what’s driving conflicts and how to address them.
Navigating adulthood can be daunting, especially in financial stress, political unrest, and social divisions. These pressures can lead to feelings of hopelessness and aimlessness, contributing to depressive tendencies. Young adults may experience a lack of drive stemming from underlying depression or anxiety.
Whether it's numbness or intense anxiety about the future, these emotions can hinder their progress. Recognizing and addressing these challenges is crucial for supporting young adults as they move toward a healthier, more fulfilling life.
When parents reach out to me for coaching to avoid fruitless power struggles with their struggling adult children and to help them, they share the most common signs of distress with me. These are described below.
Lack of Drive and Direction. Figuring out what to do after high school or college can be challenging. Overwhelming global issues can lead to feelings of hopelessness and aimlessness, contributing to depressive tendencies. Sometimes, this lack of drive stems from underlying depression or anxiety. These emotions can hinder a young adult from progressing, whether feeling numb or intensely anxious about the future.
Declining Performance in School or Work. A noticeable decline in academic or work performance indicates that a young adult might struggle, especially if they have a history of high achievement. This drop in performance can be due to various factors, including depression, anxiety, trauma, or substance abuse. Additionally, harassment in the workplace or at school can significantly impact their performance. Parents need to investigate the root cause of these issues.
Difficulty Gaining Independence. “Failure to launch” describes a young adult's struggle for autonomy and independence. While cultural and familial expectations about independence vary, mental health experts agree that this issue often stems from internal struggles rather than external circumstances. For example, a young adult living at home while working and saving for graduate school shows motivation and purpose. In contrast, staying home due to anxiety about finding a job or feeling unprepared to live independently may indicate a failure to launch.
Substance Use Issues. An increase in drug or alcohol use is a significant indicator that a young adult is facing difficulties. They may use substances to cope with stress or self-medicate symptoms of trauma, anxiety, or depression.
Unhealthy Relationships. Young adults are still honing their relationship skills and commonly experience more intense and volatile friendships and romantic relationships. However, involvement in codependent or abusive relationships can signal underlying issues such as trauma, low self-esteem, or difficulty forming genuine connections.
Social Withdrawal. Young adulthood is typically a time for building social connections. Withdrawing from friendships, romantic relationships, and social activities often indicates a problem, especially if there is a sudden decrease in social interaction.
Excessive Technology Use. Overreliance on technology can be a sign that a young adult is struggling. Video gaming disorder and compulsive social media use are now recognized as symptoms of mental health issues. These activities can worsen existing problems by reducing real-world engagement and face-to-face interactions. Furthermore, social media can negatively affect self-esteem and body image.
Neglect of Self-Care. Neglecting personal grooming and self-care may indicate underlying mental health issues. Warning signs include insomnia, sleeping excessively during the day, poor eating habits, lack of physical activity, not showering, and feeling generally unwell.
Increased Conflict With Parents. While some conflict between parents and young adult children is expected, a significant and persistent change in the relationship can be a sign of deeper issues. This might include unresolved childhood trauma, substance abuse, or other psychological struggles. Parents need to explore what’s driving the conflict and how to address it.
Ways to Support Young Adults Facing Challenges
- Provide support without judgment: Maintain open communication, whether your young adult lives at home or independently. Ask how they’re doing, listen with empathy, and let them share their thoughts. Before offering advice, ask permission: “Is it OK if I share my thoughts on that?” Respect their response and provide unconditional support, letting them know you’re there for them no matter what.
- Avoid imposing your values: Resist the urge to impose your standards and values on your young adult child. Over time, they will develop their ways of doing things—hopefully, healthier and more balanced. Accept that this process may involve a phase where they do things differently from how you would.
- Release societal expectations: Avoid comparing your young adult’s progress with others their age. They may need more time to develop life skills or determine their next step. Success doesn’t require meeting traditional milestones but developing attributes like self-efficacy, purpose, and resilience.
- Encourage professional help: The most valuable assistance might come from a mental health professional. Encourage your young adult to seek help, reassuring them that therapy or treatment is a sign of strength. Parents can assist by researching options and insurance coverage, but ensure the young adult actively seeks care.
By recognizing the signs and providing thoughtful support, parents can help their young adult children navigate their struggles and move toward a healthier, more fulfilling life.
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