Don’t Just Curate, Create and Narrate Your Story

We all carry around countless ideas, experiences, and stories, but some find it difficult to share them.

In my coaching practice, a common behavior is a dependence on collecting others’ voices and stories rather than telling our own. These tendencies can go along with qualities that are considered advantageous, like collaboration, consultation, and opinion-seeking. But these dependencies, often viewed as strengths, can keep you backstage—while paradoxically allowing you to feel busy and believe you are making progress.

It’s important to recognize when you’re hiding in the shade of strength to withhold your own opinions and stories. You risk diminishing your impact and visibility, which are important for building connections and advancing your career.

The Collector

Emma is an advisor on adolescent sexual and reproductive health in Bangladesh with over 20 years of experience. Passionate about promoting and facilitating meaningful youth engagement in health systems and global fora, she’s frustrated by the evident impasse in achieving this.

Emma planned to interview colleagues to gather their opinions on facilitating meaningful youth engagement and inform a proposal to increase youth representation on decision-making bodies. Instead of sharing her own perspective, she wanted to collate her colleagues’ ideas and opinions.

Seeking input can be a great place to start. But too often, experienced women like Emma showcase other people’s ideas and opinions to avoid leaning into their thought leadership. They are “doing something,” but this approach can mask a fear of taking center stage and projecting their voices.

Emma and I spent some time mining and honoring her own experiences. Emma realized how much she had to say about youth engagement through conversations, questions, and exercises and recognized its value.

As a result of our work, Emma changed her approach. She organized and chaired an international meeting on meaningful young engagement, provided a forum for others, narrated her testimony and opinions, and authored a book on creating meaningful youth engagement.

The next time you are tempted to collect and report from behind the scenes rather than share, ask:

• What would I do if I were bolder or less afraid?
• How can I amplify voices, including my own?
• What do I have to say about the subject? What have I experienced? What specific questions or discussions do I think should be raised?

If your go-to approach is to collect and curate from other sources, check: how much collecting is enough for a balanced approach versus a way to stay behind the scenes, diminishing your visibility and leadership potential?

The Story That Is Never Told

Research tells us we are natural storytellers. Yet, some of us have difficulty telling them, especially in a professional context. This can also be an effective hiding strategy.

One of the reasons professionals cite for not sharing their own story is a limiting assumption about the value of a story instead of “objective facts.” For some clients, this prioritizes data, statistics, and expertise. They believe the “truth” lives and often value it more than lived experiences, informed opinions, and personal stories. A person may prioritize data or expertise to hide from personal visibility.

Another popular reason for not telling personal stories is an outdated notion of what is acceptable in the workplace. Some clients still believe in a division between personal and professional spheres – and that stories are personal. While there are some things you still don’t want to share with colleagues, there’s no longer a firm line between personal and professional. Stories can be appropriate – and effective – in your professional life.

Take Cate, an experienced gender expert passionate about women’s empowerment. She’s also personally experienced poverty, domestic violence, and professional success. She felt unable to bring these experiences into her work, even though she wanted to. She assumed that “This is not appropriate sharing for the workplace.” Instead, she cloaked her work in elaborate statistics that distanced her (and her audience) from examples of real people’s experiences, insights, and ideas.

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In our coaching, Cate and I explored her fear-based tendency to make her work abstract, overly complex, and devoid of any stories. I asked her some questions you may find helpful too:

• What is your story or lived experience of this subject?
• In what ways can you include your story and experiences in your work?
• What fears or concerns do you have about telling your story?
• What are some low-risk ways to test sharing your story that feels safe?

Cate had many stories. The key was finding those that illustrated the points and lessons she wanted to convey and felt comfortable sharing.

Cate also wanted to “come across as professional.” To meet these criteria, we did the following:

• Identified three stories she could tell.
• Assessed her stories concerning the important criteria to Cate: relevance to her key message and level of comfort in sharing. So we assessed her stories on a scale of 1-5 for each.
• Decided on a story. Cate shared one of her early life experiences: attending university on financial aid, working afternoons at McDonald’s and evenings as a cleaner, and how that impacted her professional trajectory.

Cate felt more connected with the audience, but she also received several comments praising her wisdom, vulnerability, and inspiration.

There is value in seeking others’ insight and basing decisions on data, but some use these strategies to avoid sharing their relevant experience and wisdom.

It’s important to recognize when you are letting yourself hide in the shadows of others’ experiences, data, and stories and find a way to share yours.