Is the Love You Get Greater Than Your Ability to Receive It?

Being a psychotherapist for over 40 years, I've seen that most of us would like to feel more love in our lives. We want to feel cared about and accepted. But here is something to consider: Is the love that comes your way greater than your capacity to receive it? How far are you able to let in caring and love when it drifts toward you?

Have you considered that there are people in your life who genuinely care about you and even love you—people who appreciate you very much—even if they don’t express it verbally? Do you ever think about how you’d be sorely missed by family, friends, and even acquaintances if you were no longer around?

A sad aspect of the human condition is that people often express their love in ways that are not fully registering inside us. When someone calls to say hello, offers appreciation, gives us a warm hug, looks kindly into our eyes, or softly touches our shoulder, how available are we to receive their warm sentiments?

Loving and caring overtures are fleeting things. They are easily missed amidst the distractions and addictions of modern-day life. Our minds and attention are oftentimes somewhere else—far removed from the present moment. Perhaps we’re recovering from a busy day, or overwhelmed by a stressful situation, or overstimulated by having too much to do. Maybe we’re carrying a nagging worry about our finances or health, or we're thinking too hard about how to move toward a better future.

Distracted from what's before us in the present moment, it's easy to miss the positive things that flow toward us. It’s easy to overlook the tender overtures, nurturing glances, and warm sentiments that circle around us, but don’t find their way into our heart. How often do we miss the very nurturing we long for because we’re not present for it when it comes our way?

There are many other factors that might keep us from receiving love. Perhaps we carry a core belief that we don’t deserve it or that love is not for us. Past hurts might keep our heart hidden and defended. We don’t let in love because we’re afraid we might lose it if we allow it in: better to stay safe than foolishly expose our tender heart, only to have it be hurt again. But while we might feel safe in some ways, we deprive ourselves of what might help our heart soar and our soul thrive. If we want more love and intimacy in our lives, we need to reach deep inside ourselves and find the courage to take intelligent risks. We need to expand our capacity to let in love—lowering our guard at times so we can allow ourselves to receive one of life's most precious gifts.

The next time someone offers a kind word, or does something kind for you, or smiles at you with a twinkle of affection or tenderness, notice how you feel inside your body. Does their caring—and perhaps even their love—register inside you? How does it feel? How deeply can you let it in? Perhaps taking a slow, deep breath and allowing your belly to soften will allow you to receive more deeply.

By becoming more mindful of precious moments when caring and love are right there before us, we can allow ourselves to relax into it. Dwelling more fully in these special moments, we can expand our capacity to give and receive the tender gift of love.

© John Amodeo.