The Intimacy of Sisterhood

When people think of intimacy, they often think of a romantic or sexual relationship. If you're one of those people, this is a very narrow definition of intimacy. Intimacy is closeness, the deep connection you feel with another person. Therefore, you can have an intimate relationship with a lover, sibling, friend, cousin, etc.

The intimacy between good girlfriends (GGFs) is special. We laugh, love, grieve, celebrate, work, create, dine, and cry together. While all these experiences may feed our souls, are intimate relationships with GGFs really necessary?

Benefits of Intimate Sisterships

A sistership is a relationship that you have with your sister, and the term "sister" ranges from biological sister to church sister to sorority sister to "sister from another mister" (i.e., friend). Women rely on each other for emotional support, and that's no surprise. We use each other for support through life's significant losses, challenges, and joyous moments.

Think about the number of successful TV shows that base the entire storyline off of GGFs–Living Single, Girlfriends, Sex In The City, Golden Girls, Friends, Orange Is The New Black, Grace and Frankie, Mom, Designing Women, The Facts of Life, Desperate Housewives, Workin' Moms, Charmed, Devious Maids, Glow, and Good Girls to name a few. It's clear that Hollywood has hit gold by replicating real life on the small screen.

Women enjoying a bonfire at a fall concert.

Source: StockSnap/Pixabay

I will always remember my earnest conversation with my mom about why so many of her girlfriends needed an invitation to my wedding, and the answer was simple. All of her GGFs had known me since birth, and my wedding was a win for all of them. They all took a little measure of pride in watching me grow, and a wedding was just a great time to reflect on what "they" had accomplished as a group. They were celebrating the return on their investment in my success. My dad, on the other hand, had two friends in attendance.

Recently, researchers conducted a meta-analysis of all the research on adult friendships in the last 20 years. Pezirkianidis et al. (2023) found 38 studies that researched this topic, and the findings were consistent. Adults who have supportive, quality friendships reap physical and mental health benefits. Having GGFs predicts well-being and protects against anxiety and depression.

Are Sisterships Different Than Male Friendships?

There is a lot of research on this topic, some of which might surprise you. Some studies suggest that male friendships often involve engaging in tasks and activities. Men tend to nurture their friendships through activities they do together (e.g., play pool, go to happy hour, hit the gym), whereas women build relationships through conversation.

Women typically share much more detailed, intimate information about themselves with their sisters than men. It's widely accepted for close girlfriends to know when each menstruates, the last time they were intimate with their significant other, or that one of them has a crush on her son's barber.

It's not to say that men don't have deep relationships with their friends. The depth of the relationship just tends to look a lot different than it does for women.

Why Do Women Need Intimate Sisterships?

I'm sure you've heard a woman say, "I'm a guy's girl. I don't get along with women, so I only have guy friends." You might say that about yourself.

The significance of sisterships varies among cultures, but generally, women need other women. We need the support of people who go through the unique circumstances that only we experience (e.g., menstruation, ovulation, and menopause; pregnancy, labor, and birth; sexism; pap smears and mammograms; etc.). We need the warmth of a tight hug, a small squeeze of a caring hand, or a what-were-you-thinking talk. Sometimes, we need all three of these in the same conversation.

If you struggle to develop intimate sisterships, start with a list of what you want in a GGF. Also, itemize what you bring to a sistership. Remember that intimacy doesn't have to be physical, so developing a sistership with someone online can be just as supportive as any other connection—as long as you aren't getting catfished.

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Therapy is an excellent way for you to get unstuck. Therapists can help you uncover automatic thoughts, unconscious material, and dysfunctional behaviors that may contribute to your lack of sisterships. After all, to get a GGF, you have to be a GGF.

If you have watched enough episodes of Golden Girls, you know that a GGF embodies the lyrics of their opening song. "Thank you for being a friend. Traveled 'round the world and back again. Your heart is true; you're a pal and a confidant…"

If you have sisters who fit these lyrics, call them and thank them for being a friend. It will make their day.