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Welcome to late summer, the time of year when the NBA, ski lift operators and psychotherapists take some time off to charge their batteries. Here are some of the most common reactions to therapist vacations and some pointers on how to cope.
Therapists need vacations like everyone else. We sit in comfortable chairs and talk to interesting people for a living, but our subject matter is pretty heavy. Each hour brings a new cognitive, emotional or relational conflict for us to understand and confront. It's fascinating work, and it takes its toll. If we don't get away once in a while, we run the risk of burning out; and if that happens we're of no help to anyone.
While vacations are a good idea for everyone, sometimes clients have a strong reaction to the hiatus, one that may surprise even them. It's common to experience some degree of relief, indifference, annoyance or devastation, or any combination of these responses. Each are valid, each help us understand the nature of the work, and each can help guide future sessions. They point to the client's feelings about therapy and their relationships in general, which is useful.
Other helpful articles (here and here) discuss tips for those who are distraught by the interruption, but not everyone feels upset. I encourage you to be curious about how these disruptions affect you. It might help you understand problems in your therapy or issues you encounter in other important relationships. Here are some descriptions of these responses, some questions to ask yourself and tips for what to do about them:
Relief: Therapy can be hard. For some folks, the work is so challenging, intense or boring their therapist's vacation is welcomed. If the idea of some time off is met with a sigh of relief, it could be a sign of deeper problems. Questions: How is therapy going? Do you need to slow therapy down? Speed things up? Is there a problem within the relationship that needs to be addressed? You can say anything to your therapist, especially about the therapy itself, is there something you need to discuss? What To Do: Give these questions some thought, jot down your answers and dive into these issues when therapy resumes.
Indifference: Some clients roll with the disruption so easily it may be a cause for concern. If the work is vital and transformative, missing a few sessions should rattle the cage a little. If it truly feels like no big deal to take time off, maybe therapy isn't making an impact. There could be a mismatch of personalities or techniques, or maybe you're not letting therapy make an impact for some reason. Questions: Why did you come to therapy? Is this helping you reach your goals? Why not? Is the therapist missing something?Are you allowing therapy to make a difference? Is there something you're not talking about? How do you feel about the therapist? What do you want therapy to look like? What To Do: Take these questions to your next therapy session. It should be a fun one.
Annoyance: Probably the most common response, a vacation stirs some anger or frustration because it disrupts the routine and flow of the work. You may be on the verge of a breakthrough or in the midst of a really comfortable relationship when this sudden interruption occurs. Questions: What are you wanting from therapy that this break is preventing? How do you typically cope with disappointments like this? If you had your session, what would you want to talk about? What To Do: Take your session time to write in a journal all the thoughts and feelings you'd talk about in that week's session. For extra credit, write what you would imagine to be your therapist's response. In the next session, talk about your annoyance and share some thoughts from your journal. Even if you aren't in the office, there's no reason you can't continue the work on your own.
Devastation: For some clients, a therapist's vacation feels traumatic. The therapist/client relationship can become a vital lifeline that provides the security, comfort, support and reassurance some clients need. They count it among their most significant relationships. The absence may bring up feelings of past abandonment, grief, loss and rejection. For some, the fear that their therapist will go away and never return is nearly unbearable. But these times can also be healing for the devastated client. Each day helps affirm that they can survive beyond the therapy relationship. The break is a time to apply the tools learned in therapy to meet their needs. Questions: What other relationships, tools and resources can you rely on during this time? What have you learned from the therapy that can help you now? What would the therapist have to say about how you feel? How can you soothe yourself during this time? What To Do: Use your journal to recall memories of past therapy sessions, write letters to the therapist you'll deliver upon return, talk about your feelings with friends and family, practice self-soothing. When therapy resumes, be sure to discuss how the absence felt, and what you've learned for next time.
There are no right or wrong responses to a therapist's vacation. Individual reactions are as unique as each therapy relationship. Your response might tell you something about how you feel about therapy and could even give an idea of areas to discuss when the work resumes. Furthermore, you've probably had similar responses in other relationships, and exploring these feelings may shed light on them as well. The break can allow time to think about how the therapy is going and what needs to be addressed. You can welcome your therapist back from her vacation with a boatload of fresh material to tackle.
