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Humans feel best when we're growing. When we feel stagnant, it can trigger depression and a sense that our lives are not on track.
For many people, the pandemic has meant feeling in limbo. Since it's the end of the year, you might currently be reflecting on what you've achieved this year and what your goals are for next year. If things haven't gone as you hoped, this could be intensifying your sense of limbo or stagnancy. Whatever the reason behind your emotions, here are some suggestions to try.
1. Keep a running list of progress you make on goals and projects.
Our recall is affected by our moods. If you're in a low or flat mood (check out these 13 potential reasons for feeling flat), you'll recall events more negatively. You'll recall events in a way that's consistent with your current mood, so if you feel stagnant, examples confirming that will come to mind more easily than contrary examples.
In any scenario, the way life keeps rolling, it's easy to overlook steps you've taken forward if you don't pay attention and give yourself credit for those.
Try keeping a running list of what's not stagnant. Note whenever you make progress on a goal or take a step forward. Note if you did this despite feeling fearful, uncertain, or overloaded. It's easier to take action when you're feeling intense emotions if you can easily recall specific times when you've done this in the past. The main aim of this running list is to give yourself credit for all the ways you're not actually stagnant.
2. How are you avoiding repeating past mistakes?
My PT colleague, Dr. Guy Winch, says, "We don’t make thousands of different mistakes—we make a handful of similar errors and we repeat them in endless variety."
Repeating similar mistakes can contribute to feeling stagnant. Learn from your successes. Learn from any instances in which you haven't done this.
For example, one of my repeat "errors of living" is overthinking decisions. So, I would note any times I acted without hesitating and second-guessing myself. I would note instances when I just did something, without spending days or weeks contemplating all the possible ways to do it, like, if I sent an important email without thinking of different ways to phrase it.
Whatever mistakes you repeat, note ways you have been able to buck the trend. When some aspects of life are uncontrollable, these are changes you can make. You don't need to be perfect. Focus on when you succeed at not repeating a mistake, not when you fail.
If you've never thought about what your repeated mistakes are, identify three patterns now. We all have these quirks and we all have a dominant personality that leads us to take a particular approach to life. When you notice you repeat some mistakes, don't overly personalize that. We all do this in some form.
3. Don't make the same resolutions you've made before.
The new year is when people make resolutions, but we tend to remake the same ones repeatedly. We pick whatever we struggle with the most. If you do this, you're probably overlooking potential easy wins. There are many ways to grow and improve. Think beyond your weight, fitness, finances, and your love life. See below to get new ideas about psychologically healthy ways to grow as a person. Stop torturing yourself by making the same resolutions. You are more than whatever you struggle with the most.
4. Try this positive end-of-year review.
This positive end-of-year review will help you accurately assess the ways you've changed this year, and set radically different goals for the new year. You can do it alone, but it's perhaps best done with someone you know very well, like a partner, best friend, or sibling you're close to.
You can overcome feeling stagnant by giving yourself credit for all your achievements, acting against your personality type, and changing the accomplishments you focus on.
