Resolving Arguments Instead of Avoiding Them Improves Health

Resolving arguments instead of avoiding them can significantly improve your health.

Source: Photo by Daniel Fazio at Unsplash

It may feel more comfortable, at least temporarily, to avoid an argument with someone rather than address concerns that are eating at you.

However, research suggests that if an argument resolves, the emotional response tied to it significantly reduces or is almost completely erased.

So it may be worth bringing up issues with a partner, family member, or coworker rather than holding back.

First, there is a difference between arguing and fighting. Arguing is when you and your partner present your concerns and discuss the feelings and issues related to those concerns. You may agree to disagree, choose a course of action, or table the argument for future discussion. You can engage in an argument respectfully and without stirring up anger. For a more detailed definition of "argument," watch this Monty Python sketch:

Fighting, however, usually involves personal attacks, raising of voices, and storming out. It is quite easy to slide from argument to fight, especially when there are heightened emotions. (You probably wouldn't even be discussing a topic with your partner if you didn't have some emotional investment in it.) However, you can argue with a partner without it devolving into a fight — if you are equally committed to keeping your emotions in check and being respectful toward each other.

In cases when you are in a relationship with a narcissist or other manipulative or abusive person, it may be in the best interest of self-preservation to not bring up issues. The bigger issue arises if you are in a toxic relationship. If so, you can consult this post.

If you are in a healthy relationship — not one free from issues; those don't exist — discussing your issues and resolving them instead of stuffing them down can improve your emotional health and, ultimately, your physical health. For an Oregon State University study, 2,000 people were asked to record their feelings and experiences for eight consecutive days. When people had an argument they considered resolved, they had half the reactivity of those who avoided an argument. Reactivity is an increase in negative emotions or a decrease in positive emotions. To summarize, resolving an argument cuts your negative feelings roughly in half.

One day later, people who had a resolved argument reported no elevation of negative affect or negative emotions compared to people who avoided an argument. This means that resolving an argument can feel like you have reached a state of resolution — and you are less likely to be irritated with your partner.

Also, the older you are, the more likely you will come to a resolution after an argument. This may be because more life experience usually leads to more defined priorities. You are more likely to discern between a big deal and what is worth letting go of. With life experience also comes more practice with having discussions with people about important issues.

If you are in a safe, healthy relationship, bringing up an issue and resolving it is significantly better for your emotional and, ultimately, physical health than avoiding an argument. It's easier to avoid a discussion, but risking talking about it may eventually lead to a better outcome.