Sitting With Our Pain: The Key to Posttraumatic Growth

Posttraumatic growth (PTG) is positive change experienced as the result of a struggle with a major life crisis or traumatic event. PTG is not the same as resilience. Resilience is the ability to move on with life, the ability to persevere. PTG is more than surviving; it describes how human beings can be changed by painful encounters, sometimes in radically positive ways.

Many scholars believe that PTG is a result of deep shifts in our thinking that result in personality change. Exposure to actual or threatened death, serious injury, sexual violence, or witnessing violence are life-altering experiences that may jolt us out of our routine ways of being, thinking, and behaving. In the aftermath of trauma, we may be compelled to change the way we view the world. Assumptions we once held are dismantled. Therefore, we create new narratives about ourselves and the world around us. As a result of such a shock to our minds and bodies, there is potential for a radical change in one’s values, life purpose, and ways of relating to others.

5 Domains of Posttraumatic Growth

Tedeschi and Calhoun, the most influential researchers of PTG, found five ways that people report growing significantly after a traumatic event:

1. Appreciation of life
2. Relating to others
3. New possibilities
4. Personal strength
5. Spiritual change

Those who find a greater appreciation for life learn to enjoy small things such as a child’s smile, or enjoying a day with minimal pain. Others note significant growth in their relationships with important people in their life. They develop closer, more intimate and meaningful relationships as a result of experiencing greater empathy and compassion for themselves and those they do life with. Others report waking up to new possibilities in life. They no longer take life for granted and are awakened to the reality that they can make new and significant choices; they can choose to go in a radically different direction in their life, change careers, and let go of unhealthy relationships.

Many report an increased recognition of their own personal strength. They learn to not sweat the small stuff. Things that would have been stressful in the past are more likely to roll off their backs. They often remind themselves, “If I can make it through that, I can make it through anything.” There may also be spiritual and existential development as a result of surviving a traumatic experience. Persons with religious beliefs may grow deeper in their faith. Those who identify as spiritual may find themselves growing in their sense of connection with themselves and the world.

Who Experiences More Posttraumatic Growth?

In a review of 26 studies, the researchers found that close to half of persons who go through a traumatic event report experiencing PTG. In a review of 19 studies, scholars found that persons who met the criteria for posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD) were more likely to experience PTG than those who had gone through a traumatic event but did not meet the diagnosis for PTSD. Researchers have found that women tend to experience PTG more than men, and a study of 1,013 female sexual assault survivors found that women of color experienced significantly more PTG than white women. It is assumed this has to do with the greater tendency of women to rely on relational support than men, and for women of color to rely on their religious faith more than white women.

That women are more likely to grow from trauma is not surprising. Women tend to be more relationally connected than men, and we know that loneliness decreases the chance that a trauma survivor will experience PTG. Social support is crucial for the fostering of PTG. People are often hurt through relationships and healed through relationships.

The key to experiencing PTG is learning to sit with one’s pain. PTSD at its core is an avoidance disorder. Understandably, those who suffer from PTSD try to avoid the traumatic thoughts, images, and feelings in any way they can. This is why those who suffer repeated trauma are much more likely to suffer from addiction. Addiction makes it impossible to sit with one’s pain.

Therefore, the first thing that trauma-informed counselors do is help a person widen their window of tolerance for pain, often through mindfulness or breathing exercises. Once a person is able to sit with their pain, even if for brief amounts of time in the presence of a safe person, they may be able to experience the substantial cognitive and emotional shifts that make PTG more likely.

What We Can Do

Pain shouldn’t be glorified. Our knowledge of PTG should not be used to pressure those who have been traumatized to bring something good out of their pain. We shouldn’t jump to the topic of PTG as a way to minimize or avoid our pain or the pain of others. Injustices and inequalities need to be fought against. We must remember that trauma doesn’t always result in PTG. Pervasive mental health disorders, chronic illness, violent behavior, and premature death are far too often a result of extreme pain.

Trauma Essential Reads

Talking It Out: Psychological Debriefing After Trauma

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We know that empathy and deep listening are still our greatest assets in comforting those who are wounded. Therefore, we must first learn to empathize deeply with our own pain (i.e., self-compassion) and the pain of others. Second, we must work to end the suffering of others to whatever extent we are able. Third, and only after the first two, we must constantly remind ourselves that unavoidable pain can be the seeds for tremendous growth.

One of the greatest gifts of being a counselor is witnessing the transformations that can occur after immense pain. But one does not have to be a therapist to experience this. Some of the most beautiful people we know are persons who have suffered excruciating pain and come out on the other side with soft hearts and beautiful spirits. They have metabolized their pain well. Encountering these persons in the community, through books, and in documentaries can help sustain us in our ability to walk alongside those who have suffered trauma.