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I couldn’t believe how much my feet hurt. And in an odd place on both sides; some funny set of muscles behind my toes. I hadn't done anything strange–just worked for a day in the city, running for the train, hurrying on the sidewalks, standing at a work reception, buying groceries on the way home. My typical day. It's just that I hadn’t done it for 16 months.
Don’t get me wrong; I’ve been working the same job throughout the whole pandemic. But I have been doing it without the commute and in flip-flops. Or barefoot. While convenient, it was lonely and isolated. Seeing my colleagues, students and patients was nothing short of exhilarating. I was giddy. But I was also sore.
Interestingly, I’m actually in better shape at the end of this pandemic than I was initially. Working from home has allowed me to work just as hard, but I could walk and exercise daily without commuting. So, it wasn’t that I was out of shape – I just hadn’t been using those muscles in a while. The muscles I’ve developed over four decades of wearing high heels. And there are other muscles that I haven’t used for a while either. The muscles I use when I walk on concrete. My straphanging muscles. The muscles I use for hailing cabs. They haven’t exactly atrophied, but they have definitely been on vacation.
Beyond the muscles in my arms, legs, and feet, I haven’t been using other kinds of muscles either. I’d call these “emotional” and “interpersonal” muscles. These are the muscles we use to be social, to be around other people all day, to sit in meetings, and to hug one another. I’ve lost my muscle memory for standing close to other human beings and hugging goodbye. For shaking hands and picking up babies. For singing next to another human being. The nearness of people I don’t know makes me skittish. When someone leans out to embrace me, I poke out my elbow. I involuntarily flinched when someone sat too near me on the bus.
I know I’m not alone.
How will we get these muscles back in shape? How do we exercise them? As my sore feet let me know, we should take it slowly. Re-entry is, as they say, a marathon, not a sprint. Training for a long run requires stretching and gradual, incremental increases in physical effort. I realize now that it’s true for our emotional re-entry effort as well.
A Few Ideas for a Less Painful, Slower, and Healthier Re-Entry
1. Pay attention to your feelings. A little freaked out about going to a large party? Stay home – wait for the next one. Don’t feel like hugging yet? Give a big smile and offer your elbow. Are you tired after an hour of socializing? Go home! It’s your body and mind telling you that the emotional work-out for the day is over. Allow yourself time to re-enter social situations in a way that feels comfortable for you.
2. Go at your own pace. Rather than plunge headlong into five days a week of 8 hours in the office, try to make the transition more gradual. If it’s something your work enables you to do, try taking the morning in the office and working from home in the afternoon. Or the other way around. It may be an easier way to pivot back to work out of the house than trying to do full days all at once.
3. Start meeting in very small groups. Before you have to go into large meetings at work or with clients, try meeting people you know and love in small groups. Get used to being maskless, talking face-to-face, and sitting close to other people in the comfort of small groups of loved ones.
4. Comfortable body, comfortable self. If your body is comfortable, you’re more likely to be emotionally comfortable as well. While you may not wear those pajamas to work, try continuing to wear comfortable clothes. We all have pants that are a little bit tight and shoes that are a little too high. They can wait. It’s summer – try loosely fitting clothing, open shoes, and breathable fabrics. And, if you work in an office, consider bringing a change of clothes to work just in case something you chose (like a shoe!) isn’t comfy yet.
A year ago, I feared we’d never be able to be together again. I worried that telepsychiatry would pre-empt face-to-face sessions, that choirs and orchestras would never perform together again, and that children would always sit at a distance in classrooms. But even the things I prayed for and dreamt of – hugs, parties, concerts, weddings – will take getting used to. While we may always wash our hands more (and at least some of us may continue to wear masks on the train), we can be close again. And I’m leaving my heels at home.
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